


Volume II: You Don't Know

by RosVailintin



Series: Love Takes Two [2]
Category: Westlife
Genre: Alternate History, Alternate Universe - 1990s, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Real World, Angst, Bromance to Romance, Chinese Mythology & Folklore, Crimes & Criminals, Death, Diary/Journal, Dirty Talk, Dublin (City), Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Organized Crime, Original Character(s), Pre-Westlife, Quoting Jim Moriarty (Sherlock TV), Reveal, Sherlock Holmes References, Tragedy, but if this is pre-westlife there ain't gonna be any westlife cuz someone is dead, it's in volume one, song titles, sorry no sex scenes, you already know who it is
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 1995-08-16
Updated: 1995-12-03
Packaged: 2018-08-09 04:35:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 110
Words: 33,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7786987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RosVailintin/pseuds/RosVailintin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Outside the tragedy happened to Nicky and Shane, the latter's friend Kian Egan has experienced some changes in his life that he had never imagined. What's more, what was the crime like at an outsider's point of view? Would his diary reveal more truths?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 16 August 1995

**Author's Note:**

> So...here comes Vol II!! Do read [Vol I](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5128277/) before this if you haven't. I'll update following the date of the diaries in the plot, because it's diary, you know, so that will be almost everyday. I'm syncing it on [Wattpad](https://www.wattpad.com/story/81752084-love-takes-two-part-ii-you-don%27t-know) too. Great. At first this was just a little one-shot thing, but I ended up writing more and more and more and it became an individual part of the series. Still, shoutout to WMC ([happyyyygolfdish](http://happyyyygolfdish.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr)!! She helped me make up the entire plot outside the counselling room (I've mentioned this, I think?) and it was so much fun. And this will be a sweet one, unlike the tragic atmosphere of Vol I. But well, as I said in the notes on Vol I, in this part more about the crime will be revealed (and if there are anything that is not mentioned in neither part...well, then I probably have forgot about it), so it won't be all sweet for sure. But the major character death warning means Nicky only! Anyway, here we go!  
> PS Chapter titles will be dates in my preferred format: day month year. And I set the publication date back to the exact day the dairy was written! Oh and Kian's diary is the first (with date, weather, day noted on the top) and Brian's the second (with date, day, weather/mood/whatever in the end).

16th Aug 1995. Rainy. Wed.

  I hate moving on rainy days! Yesterday it was sunny but this morning when I woke up I saw the ground got fucking wet. & I fucking have to move today! I've stayed already 16 more days at Mrs O'Flaherty's & she's becoming Mrs Mad now.

  The house's quite nice anyway. It's big enough for me to put all my stuffs on the floor. I'm gonna turn this empty house upside down now.

* * *

Ho! I've got a new neighbour. But he must be mad to move on such a rainy day! + he didn't take no umbrella. Poor kid he's gonna be really well washed. Anyway I don't go out, sleeping's much better.

The newcomer looks quite nice. If he pays a visit tomorrow it's gonna be a great craic.

Wed. 16 Aug 1995.

Raining cats & dogs!


	2. 17 August 1995

17th Aug 1995. Sunny. Thu.

  The weather's nicer today. Why couldn't I stay for just one more day?!

  I've got 2 neighbours to visit these days. I went to Mrs Onion's today & the moment I saw her I regretted...Nothing bad about her actually, she's just a British granny running a little sweetshop here while enjoying the fresh air. But really, to be honest, the air back in Sligo is even better. We had a just interview-like conversation where she kept asking about everything & I was just answering & there was a moment when I even wondered if she's from Scotland Yard. What's nice for me is that she love rock music so it seems to be okay that I play heavy metal in my house.

  About the other neighbour, maybe tomorrow or some other day. Anyway I'm gonna go to bed now.

* * *

That suckling didn't come today! He went to Mrs Allium cepa's instead! But he'll be here tomorrow. Or the day after tomorrow, if he needs to go to work. Or the day after the day after tomorrow, if he only has Sundays off. Or still one day later, if he has Mondays off. Anyway, he'll come see me one day. Got up this afternoon to find a dozen missed calls from Genevieve! + that suckling was coming this way from Mrs A c's. I thought he's walk straight into this door but well, he turned left and went home!

Called G back + she said, 'Mr O'Brian and Mr McAdam would like to see you so would you like to come to Dublin tomorrow?' C'mon, I AM in Dublin! At first I wanna say 'I'm busy', but then I said 'but I'm in Jawa + it takes a few days to come back' and she just went 'okay'. Oh I just love her for this. Excellent secretary!

Thu. 17 Aug 1995.

Nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh...feeling like noting that Allium cepa is the Latin name of onion.


	3. 18 August 1995

18th Aug 1995. Cloudy. Fri.

  The cloudy weather's back...& I forgot to go to work today...I went to Brian's & found a dozen missed calls from Mrs Chevalier when I came back...

  Brian's quite funny though. He was still in bed when I knocked on his door! He answered in a nightshirt & he's so damn tall! But he's a programmer sitting there all day long - I mean, he should take a look in my shop! I just feel that one of our jeans fits him well.

  He has a Dobro & he played _Country Road Take Me Home_ , & he sings pretty well! & he's got a lovely Steinway grand piano & to his request, I played _What Hurts The Most_ & you know what, he liked it! But I still prefer white pianos. But well, that ain't important when he also has a clavichord and a wooden Irish harp which he had no idea how to play! I mean, he could make sounds but couldn't produce any music out of it. I think it's because he hadn't got the long nails! But it's gonna be fun if he had. Anyway, it still looks amazing just having it there and staring at it!

  Oh my I forgot to tell him about my heavy metal songs! Gotta go and wake him up now.

* * *

Ooooooh what a lovely + nice day!!! + what a lovely + nice kid! He came today! First time my prediction had been wrong.

Oh let me think what he's name is...? He's told me once he came in but I forgot it. Quite a popular one. Right I'll call him a while later.

AND he's much shorter than me and it just feels great! Easy as pie to mess his hair up. But HE didn't seem to feel great about it, shouting all the 'get your hand off me hair' + grabbing my hand and tugging it down. He really cares a LOT about his hair! But yeah, I like the pale blond colour. + the colour of his eyes is even more...more...ughhhhh what's the word? Skip it.

He likes my collection! + I can see he's a rock kid. I played _Country Road Take Me Home_ with the Dobro + he said I sang well! Actually I wanted to play _Walking Disaster_ , I've just finished it. Maybe next time.

\+ he's got a white Steinway piano! It's an upright but well, it's white and Steinway! Our pianos should look good together. He played one of his original songs - yeah he's a songer-songwriter - before getting distracted by the clavichord. It's like...like a 3-year-old baby staring at a new toy! So I played some Chopin + he's so amazed.

'What else?' He asked, 'What else do you have?'

So I led him to my cabin + showed him the Irish harp. He's the 2nd person to see this harp ever since I got it. The 1st is me, of course. + of course I don't know how to play it, why did he look shocked about it!? And that cocky little shit he laughed when I plucked the strings trying to make some tune! There'll be one day when I figure out how it works.

Fri. 18th Aug 1995.

Great great great day!!!

PS That cocky little shit just left. He knocked on me door as I was busy fixing that one last bug so I didn't answer. + he knocked again + shouted 'MR MCFADDEN!' + I haven't finished that line yet so I didn't answer. + he didn't shout anymore so I thought he'd left. So I quickly complete the last line + rushed to open the door + you know what he's doing, he's calling the police to say I was gone! Jeez.

'I forgot to tell you - oh first I'm sorry to bother you - but I may be playing some heavy metal stuff during the day but not everyday so don't worry too much, + I don't play at night cus I need to sleep of course, so I'm just telling you that if you hear crashing noises from my house it's okay + normal. So yeah that's it, I'm off + g'nite!' + he left with that.

\+ I realised that I still didn't ask his name! I'm calling him now.

PPS Just so fun to call him + wake him up! Transcript below:

'Hello?' He answered. He's obviously annoyed to be woken up!

'It's me.' I said.

'You? Who are you?'

'Brian.'

'Brian...oh yes Brian!' + that made me laugh! 'Why the fuck do you call me at this time without even saying your name?'

'Uh...look, don't get mad at me but what's your name again?'

'Oh, uh...but yes I'm a bit mad at you. Kian John Francis Egan, + I'm only saying once.' + he hung up.

Um, right, maybe I made it less funny. Cool.


	4. 19 August 1995

19th Aug 1995. Sunny. Sat.

  6:53am. Last night a psychotic - & the psychotic was Brian, by the way - called me & asked what my name was & seriously, does he just stay up that late? Anyway gotta go to work today or dear Mrs Chevalier will drown me head into her pot of steaming black coffee.

  A nice day! Mrs Chevalier was happy & her black coffee tasted great. Oh & I just know there's a pair of jeans that fits that psyche! Maybe I should talk him into visiting the shop someday. Kinda crazy though. Whatever.

  & I forgot a thing this morning because I spinkled my hot chocolate all over my feet & it was kinda hot, like, really hot, so I screamed a bit & I guess it was probably a little too loud that Mrs Onions heard it, & she shouted, 'KANE WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!' & I with guilt but not too much lied, 'Oh nothing just a robin eating my chips!' & I regretted soon after because I've never seen any robin eating chips, but you know what, she believed it! Or maybe she knew I was lying & just didn't bother to care. Anyway, I added, '& I'm not Kane!'

  Uh...where was I? Oh I forgot a thing this morning. I called Brian up last evening at around 10:00 & he's wide awake! I mean, he opened the door in a baggy shirt & baggy trousers but they were no way what he wears in bed. & I hate those colourful baggy clothes. At least they shouldn't be worn that way.

* * *

It's SO DAMN HOT today! Kian's away all day. + it's weird but I miss him a bit. Nah, not really.

\+ he came back to tell me he would play heavy metal but he didn't. Well, maybe he meant he probably would play when he wanted to, not everyday. Okay. So since he seems to have a job, that will be tomorrow or the day after.

G hasn't called me yet + neither has Mr O'Brian or Mr McAdam. Praying they've forgot me cus I don't really want another project.

Sat. 19th Aug 1995.

HOT AS HELL!!!


	5. 20 August 1995

20th Aug 1995. Sunny. Sun.

  It's really a 'Sun' day, good day to go to work.

  But when I got home & start my computer, the screen stayed all black & then suddenly appeared white words reading 'You look happy today. Did you enjoy yourself? Hope you did and do everyday! Le grá' & about a minute later the words disappeared & gave my Metallica wallpaper back to me. I didn't scream & bother Mrs Onion this time, thank God. Maybe I was too frightened to even scream. But seriously, you come back home & start your computer & these fucking words just jump out of nowhere & won't you be scared?

  Anyway my computer seems alright now, so I'll (try to) get a good sleep tonight.

* * *

I sent that kid a little note today but heard no reaction. Did he really get it? I mean, as long as he used the computer he'd have got it, because I know the IP adress is correct. or Mrs A c would come here & say, 'What's the thingy on my computer screen? You're a programmer so you know what the problem is don't you? Of course you do, because you should, or you aren't no good programmer.' & the only thing I could say was 'Yes, I do.' Well, disaster. I sent 'You look happy today. Did you enjoy yourself? Hope you did and do everyday!' I didn't use '+' for 'and' in case he knows my writing habit. + then I thought for a while + eventually decided to add 'Le grá'. Yeah, it can be a bit weird, but let's see what he's gonna do tomorrow + I'll send him something new.

As for why I wanna send these...I don't really know; just came up with this idea the day before. Well 'for the craic' can be a reason to do anything. He's cute isn't he. He's still away all day & G hasn't called me yet & neither has those two gentlemen. They've definitely forgot it. Great.

Sun. 20th Aug 1995.

Nice.


	6. 21 August 1995

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously I'm so nervous right now...I'm going to some professionals to take a look at my works now so that they can help me with my portfolio (because I have only vaguely a month to get it ready and if I don't get the offer I'll have to continue with the courses in China after half a semester off and that's gonna be a disaster), but I looked through my previous works (the ones that aren't so terrible) and I'm getting really nervous about what the pros will say...This is definitely not the same occasion where I should ignore what others think! Anyways, I should update a chapter first!

21st Aug 1995. Cloudy. Mon.

  Right, so I just knew I wouldn't sleep well last night. But thank God I don't have to go to work today! Heavy metal time! Yay babe take it away!

* * *

Alright alright Kian I shouldn't have expected to hear your freaking heavy metal stuff! You freaking know I need to sleep right now don't you? Um...okay maybe he doesn't. Okay. But fuck I gotta SLEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!!!! (That's a dozen 'E's + a dozen '!'s by the way) How do I work tonight!

Have to send him a message to remind him about it. 'Hey bro you love heavy metal I see/hear that! Cool stuff. Le grá' sounds okay. Sent! But wait, I didn't tell him not to play at this time again! Damn my head. But will he even turn on the computer today? Well of course he will! + seems like he has Mondays off?

\+ G still hasn't called yet. Yeah, I'm in Jawa. Cool.

Mon. 21st Aug 1995.

Cloudy.

\+ noisy as fuck!

\+ I'm fucking sleepy!


	7. 22 August 1995

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay the portfolio appointment is pushed off till tomorrow, good news for me. But then I should've been to the Comic Con yesterday! My fav fanartist was signing there. With his mysterious friend probably whom I've never seen. Pity.

22nd Aug 1995. Rainy. Tue.

  I HATE RAINY DAYS!!! & I gotta go to work today - though it doens't rain in the shop.

  Mrs Onion said she enjoyed my music yesterday! Hey I found I like her. Brian didn't say anything though, maybe that means he enjoyed it too much to decribe his feelings with words! Great.

  Oh no I didn't check my computer yesterday. I mean the mysterious messages. Hope they didn't send anything though.

  Back home! & still dry. Good. I'm gonna turn my computer on & see what's on the screen.

  NO NEW WORDS!!! Yay! Um sorry Mrs Onion even though she won't know I wrote it. Maybe I was a bit too happy. She just asked, 'KANE ARE YOU ALRIGHT?' She keeps calling me 'Kane' no matter how many times I tell her I'm Kian not Kane. I said, 'I'm fine, thank you for asking! It's just a pigeon breaking in!' & still I added, 'I'm Kian not Kane!'

  But wait. Here they are. 'Hey bro you love heavy metal I see/hear that! Cool stuff. Le grá' It must be the same person 'cause a minute later new words appear, 'Got wet this time? Hope you didn't (not really though)! Don't forget your umbrella! Remember how you looked like when you moved in? Just joking, no offence! Le grá' A minute later it disappears & my wallpaper is back. But jeez, these words are just for me! I mean, it's not a group message. & this person knows me. They've seen me. From the day I moved here. Probably before I moved here. & judging from the 'Le grá'...I guess it's a girl? But girls don't usually call a guy 'bro', unless she's my long lost sister? Not Gill for sure.

  This person is gonna drive me mad & I think they know! I'm wondering if I can still go to work tomorrow since a nice sleep is definitely not guaranteed but if I don't go...well Ki you know what can happen!

* * *

Well...I'm thinking about if I should keep sending these stupid messages because yeah I heard his reaction this time + I'm afraid maybe I've gone too far? I mean, yeah of course it's kinda (um...maybe more than 'kinda' I guess) frightening to get a message from someone you have no idea who it is talking about your day like they know you (+ they do, by the way) + with a 'Le grá' in the end instead of a proper name. Yeah, I'm sure he's scared to death. No, not really. Today's message is 'Got wet this time? Hope you didn't (not really though)! Don't forget your umbrella! Remember how you looked like when you moved in? Just joking, no offence! Le grá'. Huh, a bit long. But I think the screen can hold it. But if the screen can't hold so many words (should've used smaller size!) then an unfinished message will be more exciting! For me at least.

Anyway I have to stop tomorrow because I won't be home. G called this afternoon + fuck I'm still sleeping! She asked if I was back from Jawa + I thought it's time to say I'm back, so I said yeah. + she told me that Mr O'Brien (just learned that this is the correct spelling! Silent apologies but not really) +Mr McAdam would like to meet me tomorrow at 7pm in The Viscount Lounge. But why there? + obviously I won't be working tomorrow because they're taking up my bed time.

Oh yes, this morning just before I went to bed, Mrs A c came in - no, broke in - + yelled at me, 'Oh boy did you hear the music yesterday? Kane's free heavy metal concert? Isn't it just amazing?' + the first thing I said was, 'He's name is Kian + I bet he's told you a thousand times.' + I decided not to explain to her what it felt like to be kept awake all day by electric guitars + drum sets.

Tue. 22nd Aug 1995.

All wet + I GOTTA SLEEP!!!


	8. 23 August 1995

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just had the English test arranged by BJUT to decide which class we go in...that actually only affect how much English homework we have and whether or not there are textbooks though. But shite it's really disgusting. I mean, I hate that kind of tests. I gotta write a 150-word article about my study plans and then for the oral test I gotta say 'what I wanna say to BJUT' but seriously! That's even worse than TEF. And we've found the original text of the cloze so yeah, good news for the ones that haven't yet taken the test. By the way I've already got a bunch of blanks wrong.

23rd Aug 1995. Sunny. Wed.

  Nice day. Dublin's really a lovely city when it's sunny!

  A really really really fat guy (a mill apologies bud!) came today & tried on all our XXXL jeans but didn't get a fit one...Maybe we should order some XXXXL ones next week. Told Mrs Chevalier & she agreed. Baggy jeans are great! Even if I never wear them.

  & today must be a big day because I didn't get the message! But to be honest, I really wanna know who's behind this - I mean, a person who has kept watching your every move & sending you that nonsense & they suddenly stop today. Yeah that sounds even more creepy. It's what happens in the fics & films!

* * *

Such a nice day! Why do I have to go meet Mr O'Brien & Mr McAdam? I should be sleeping right now!

Okay...they ruined my day but well, they weren't that boring. They offered me a contract on a project + it looked good. But the meeting wil be held in Cork which means I'll be away for a few days. Mr O'Brien just looked like Da Vinci! Uh...wait, I mean Darwin. Old Darwin. + Mr McAdam looked like young Darwin. The beard was funny! I'm thinking if I should send Kian a note about my leaving though. Nah he won't need that.

Wed. 23rd Aug 1995.

Nice weather.


	9. 24 August 1995

24th Aug 1995. Cloudy. Thu.

  XXXXL jeans ordered & will arrive next Tuesday! I bet they'll be way way better than Brian's colourful trousers. Maybe I should get myself a pair. They're gonna look perfect with my cute black Aria - hey just imagine! A solo rick gig on the little stage in the centre of me living room surrounded by white walls!

  & oh yes, no new message today, & I'm pretty sure about that because it's already 10pm. So they've probably just stopped. But who knows, maybe they have bigger plans going on. Gotta wait & see.

* * *

I HATE MEETINGS.

I'm going to bed.

Thu. 24th Aug 1995.

F*ck meetings.


	10. 25 August 1995

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Visited the campus of BJUT today and met some nice people! And some mosquitos too. Ha.

25th Aug 1995. Shower. Fri.

  Nothing much today...There're just so much rain in Dublin. Um well yeah that's basically what the entire Ireland is like though. The guy didn't come back, pretty sad. Next week when the jeans arrive we'll put up a poster so maybe he'll know it by then.

  My neighbours are really quiet these day which is slightly surprising but well, it's not abnormal. But if they're gonna be so quiet next Monday I'll be quite guilty to play my heavy metal stuff. Anyway I doubt if anyone's gonna come & tell me to stop so nah I'm just gonna play it. Hey I really love my new song though I still haven't found a good title for it.

* * *

Okay am I just writing too little yesterday...

But really I. HATE. MEETINGS.

They're just hypnotists singing me lullabies...Anyway they'll send me all the details I need to know very soon so I'm going...to...bed...

Nite~

Fri. 25th Aug 1995.

F*ck meetings!


	11. 26 August 1995

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today will be my first session at SIA...Not really nervous though and the weather is nice! The worst time of summer is finally gone.

26th Aug 1995. Shower. Sat.

  Rain in Dublin isn't as sweet as that in Sligo...Seriously if Christmas is in summer I'll be able to go back. Really really cold there in winter & I can't go surfing. Oh I miss the beach and sea in Strandhill.

  Nothing more...Daithí told me he had a dream about his school life last night & he dreamed of finding homework undone in his desk when he got to the class.

* * *

I. HATE. MEETINGS.

They say I can go back this evening because they have a morning meeting about the final plan of their project + a big lunch to celebrate the making of this decision (I bet more for the ending of all the meetings). Yeah I think the lunch is really necessary. But I always have lunch at 12pm rather than 12am but they're obviously gonna have it at 12am because they're normal people, so I can predict a diarrhea. Ugh, disgusting.

Anyway I'm heading back home soon! Missing Dublin already. Though there's more pubs in Cork, Temple Bar + Liffey are still way better.

Sat. 26th Aug 1995.

Coming home! Yay!

Dublin babe I'm back!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um, accroding to the note I wrote down on the script of this work (which was some 3 or 4 years ago), the dream Daithí had was the one that I had the exact night before I wrote this chapter...I left my homework at school pretty often though.


	12. 27 August 1995

27th Aug 1995. Shower. Sun.

  Okay it's been raining for 3 days - 3 weekdays.

  Gonna be off tomorrow. Towards the end of August already! So soon. So it's not long before school begins again. Mrs Chevalier said I should cpnsider attending a nightschool. Fuck nightschool I'm working all day & I'm not going to take any courses in the evening. Besides where do I get so much money to pay for the fees?

& there should be another discount around this time of the year. Great.

* * *

I'M HOME!!!

Yeah love ye Dublin.

So I'm leaving the boring project for those hospitals to G + starting working on this new one. It's for a game, fighting and stuff, but after all it's way better than hospital databases.

But Kian didn't even seem to notice me coming back. Calling on him tomorrow.

Sun. 27th Aug 1995.

Sleeping in MY bed yay.


	13. 28 August 1995

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should've posted this chapter yesterday but I was so busy I forgot...Two chapters today.

28th Aug 1995. Nice blue sky. Mon.

  Brian knocked on my door at 7 this morning...& it's my turn to answer it in a nightshirt. Shite. & he just stepped in & locked the door behind him like I wasn't even there & he rubbed my hair with that huge fat hand. I asked him to stop because my hair blocked my view & I couldn't see things but he never listened. & then he got his hand off me & said, 'I miss ye.' Well, was he away then? He told me he's been in Cork the last two days & now he's got a new project to work on. & he kept telling me how fun that project was but nah, I didn't really understand.

  Then I realised that we were still standing in the doorway so I said, 'Why don't we get in?' & so we went to my bedroom - yeah it's really surprising that Brian knew how to jump through all the things on the floor & he only took 10 seconds longer than I did!

  & he entered my bedroom & said, 'Why do you make it look like a sickroom?' Well, why does a white room have to be a sickroom? I just like white, & that's it! He thought my eyes would feel uncomfortable too but no they don't. Then he suddenly went, 'Hey, I like that colour.' I thought he was talking about white - right this is weird & a bit awkward to talk about but well - so I thought he changed his mind, so I went, 'You do think so?' & he said, 'Why, don't you find it beautiful?' & before I could say anything he broke off, 'How many people dream to have that colour but they don't!' & I told myself, Okay he may not be talking about white but I don't know what he's talking about. So I stopped him & said, 'Wait, are we talking about the same thing?' & he said - okay this is awkward, like, really awkward - he said, 'I don't know. Maybe not. I mean the colour of your eyes.' & for a few seconds I just froze & I must looked stupid, yeah, cool. & then I said, 'Oh, thanks.' Jeez that's awkward but I didn't know what to say! & I added, 'I thought you were talking about white.' & he said, 'Oh, yeah, white suits you. You look like Cupid right now.' But why Cupid? I said, 'Cupid is naked isn't he.' & I regretted before I even finished but I finished it. & thank God he didn't went on with this topic but asked about my songs instead. I didn't realise it was already 11 until Brian said he wanna sleep. So I let him sleep in my bed & left him there. He said he'd stay for 8 hours so I'm gonna wake him up at 7pm. I went out to appreciate the blue sky and the happy birds before buying some grabbing some fish & chips chez Mrs Onion for lunch & staying longer for a chat. She had several bottles of really nice Jameson!

  So when I came back it was almost 1pm & I sat down trying to write my songs...but coming up with great lines is really hard! I locked myself up in the lavatory with a piece of paper, a pen, my laptop & Tanglewood for I don't know how long but at least I finished the harmonies of _What Hurts The Most_ & most of all completed _Waiting For Superman_!

  & this is the longest diary I've ever written.

  8 hours time's up! Gonna wake him up.

* * *

Well it's pretty disappointing that Kian wasn't surprised that I came back...I mean he didn't even know I was away! I knocked on his door after I got up + he answered in a white nightshirt. Well that was quite cute, seriously. I said he looked like Cupid + you know what he said, he said that Cupid should be naked. Well then.

I told him about the new project a bit but he didn't seem to get it. + he talked a lot about his music + stuff. It was really cool!

\+ yeah, I just noticed that his eyes are in such beautiful colour! The colour of the sea to the east of Dublin. + his house is such a lovely mess! Though I'd like it to be tidier + of more colours other than white.

Yup his bed's comfortable + I slept for 8 hours! But he was so punctual to wake me up + say that time's up. Anyway I stayed there until 10pm + came back to get back to work. + I kinda wanna pay him a visit again soon.

Yeah! Home!

Mon. 28th Aug 1995.

Nice shower.


	14. 29 August 1995

29th Aug 1995. Shower. Tue.

  Shower days in Dublin can really make sad things sadder...Garry's gonna leave for the US this evening & we had a little party in the shop. He's going to Cali for university. We weren't very close but I still remember that on my first day in the shop, I haven't finished half of the inventory when it was only a few minutes to 7pm, & when I was just mentally preparing myself for getting back to my apartment at 8 or 9, I heard someone coming. I though it was Mrs Chevalier, but it was Garry. He'd already been working here for a few years & he just helped me finish the rest without a word in just like 10 minutes.

  Wish you all the very best, bud.

* * *

Boring day. Mr McAdam called + asked me how the project was. Shite, I'm still messing with the interface + it's so damn complicated.

Kian doesn't seem very happy today. He's not angry or something I'm sure, but I still decide to leave him alone + call on him tomorrow. + oh yes, he hasn't got me messages for several days!

Anyway nite dear diary.

Tue. 29th Aug 1995.

Shower days are just good for sleep!


	15. 30 August 1995

30th August 1995. Cloudy & shower. Wed.

  I suddenly remembered one thing. The message. I haven't received any since 23rd, so that's a week now. Does it mean anything? I mean, yeah it does mean something of course, but what? Maybe it's a crime & the criminal(s) has (have) already done what they have on the list & now it's Step II? Or maybe it's just a joke? Someone got the adress wrong? I feel the need of telling someone about it...it's more than weird already but what should I say? Hey bud you know what someone had been sending me messages to my computer talking about my days & recently they stopped & it's been a week. C'mon, who's gonna believe it? I don't even have proof; there was no way to save the messages since the mouse wouldn't work on the page. & it wasn't really regular. & there's another thing about the messages that really confuses me. There was no name but a 'Le grá' in the end of every message. Shane once told me his roommate liked to sign 'Le grá' or 'Le grá go deo' with his name at the end of letters or stuff. But no, it can't be him. Even though I don't know that guy - yeah I've seen pictures of course, but I've already forgot his name - but it just can't be him. He doesn't even look like the kind of people that would do this kind of things & besides he majors in Celtic Lit. He has the face of a lit student, seriously. And Shane said that he was busy playing football before so there's little possibility that he's a good hacker. Wow can't believe I wrote this much about a guy I don't even remember whose name.

  But wait. I just checked my computer & there's a new message. It says, 'Babe I'm back (: You didn't look happy yesterday; hope that everything's going right? Le grá'. It says 'babe' so I guess it's a girl? But a girl who can see me everyday? Is it Mrs Chevalier or Mrs Onion? I know it's not the girls in the shop because they don't know I packed my umbrella in the bag on the day I moved here. But Mrs Onion? Oh God.

* * *

I'm certain. Kian has Mondays off. Well I don't know why it's on a Wednesday that I make this conclusion but anyway I think this mean that he's got a job & probably in some shop. Got up a bit late tonight but still only around 10. Whatever. Oh I haven't replied Mr McAdam's email yet.

Wed. 30 Aug 1995.

Rain.


	16. 31 August 1995

31st Aug 1995. Shower, kinda cold. Thu.

  It's getting a bit cold today. & school's soon gonna begin! Safe journey & all the best Garry!

  Shane dropped in the shop today & we sort of just chatted the entire afternoon off & spent the evening at Temple Bar. Mrs Chevalier wasn't so mad though. By the time I got back it was around 11 & I still decide to write something. But well I don't know how he's gonna survive his morning lectures tomorrow.

  & yes I'm getting the messages again...I guess I'll tell Shane next time when he comes around? This time it's 'Looked like you had fun today! Pretty late now, so goodnight! Le grá' & I'm not doing decuctions today I'm going to bed...

* * *

Jeez it's the first time Kian hasn't come back when I woke up...But he looked great which means it was probably an outing with som friends. Sent another message today saying 'Looked like you had fun today! Pretty late now, so goodnight! Le grá' although I've started soncidering whether I should keep it on...I mean it's hacking! I know it's kinda illegal from the beginning but I still did it + I guess he didn't call the police, but I don't know if he's told someone. Yeah it's not that easy to find out it's me - but it's still pretty easy. Someone who knows what he's been doing everyday from the day he moved in, it can't be Mrs A c, so it's me. Right...

31st Aug 1995. Thu.

Oops school's gonna begin! Rain.


	17. 1 September 1995

1st Sep 1995. Fri. Cloudy. 

  Hello September! And got Garry's call today saying that he's arrived! But it still feels strange not seeing him in the shop. He said he had already applied for a job there via email & got employed, & that the people there were nice, but he missed us. Yeah we miss you too man.

  & the message... it came today but quite late. I'm like waiting for it everyday now & I feel like if I get it it's better than that I don't, because if it's an evil plan or something, this means that they're still doing this step but not moving on. But they usually send ot at around 8 or 9pm while it arrived at almost 11 today. Well maybe there just isn't any regular time or something.

* * *

Uuuuggggghhhhhh it's killing me. It took three good hours to decide whether or not I should send the message. Of course I did some work while thinking but am I just crazy!? It's hacking Brian + hacking is crime. You're a bloody programmer + you know how to do that but that doesn't mean you can abuse your savoir-faire. Jeez.

1st Sep 1995. Fri.

Oh + hello September!


	18. 2 September 1995

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got me new computer and had a super nice dinner with my mother's colleagues and the cute little boy of the of them! And have been practising creating fonts...

2nd Sep 1995. Sat. Some sunshine.

  Okay...so today is getting a bit warm again with the sunshine but well, the weather in Dublin is never hot, which is really nice. Sligo is cool almost all summer & winters are just terrible. Called Shane today & he said he's back to school very soon about which he's really excited & I know it's because he's seeing his roommate again. Yeah that guy. They seem to get along really well, you know, even though that guy is a year older than him as well as almost everyone else. He spent that year playing football. I don't get why they don't meet up very often during the vacation though. Don't tell me that guy has been playing Euro or World Cup!

  It's quite good that we still run the shop quite well & have as much laugh as always after Garry left. I mean, we all miss him, but he's promised to come back this Christmas, & we can ring each other, so him leaving doesn't really change a lot of things. Oh & did I mention the XXXXL jeans arrived? Got them on Tuesday but because Garry was leaving on that day so I forgot to write about it. They're super cool! Today the guy who didn't got what he wanted last time returned & bought three at one shot, so I remember to say this.

  & the message...yeah I checked it just now & there's nothing new. It was around 10pm. Well, I don't know but I'm feeling like that they're getting hesitating about sending it, whether it's about what to send or whether or not to send. Oh jeez, so they realised it's hacking or what? They have come to understand that what they're doing is against the law? No Kian stop. If they're criminals they are doing this while knowing it's illegal. Anyway I'm going to bed.

* * *

Uuuuugh it's half past 10 + I haven't sent the damn message. I know what to say, 'Me again! Are you sort of waiting for this everyday? Well, nevermind. Hope you had a nice day! Le grá' I've wrote the words + it's ready to be sent, but I just don't know if I should still be sending it. Why did I start in the first place? I don't know. It's more like a last-minute decision that luckily got made practical + regular. Yeah I like him; I've admitted this + I'm not caring whether it's right or wrong or something. But this isn't the right way, I'm thinking. I haven't seen him reacting to this so far. Whatever...I guess it's past his bedtime so yeah, I think I'll just cancel it.

\+ the _Knight Of The Night_ project is going well. It's fun, seriously! Although I don't think I'm gonna really play it. + got up a bit early today to get myself a new disk.

2nd Sep 1995. Sat.

Nice weather!


	19. 3 September 1995

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Making fonts is killing me seriously...It's a redesign project for Domo Live Fragrance, one of my fav perfume brands, and I crashed FontForge about 5 or 6 times today...Jeez.

3rd Sep 1995. Sunny. Sun.

  Garry called today to say he met a nice guy today, & seriously I don't quite understand why he's so passionate about him...I mean, yeah when you meet someone real sweet & you're happy & you wanna talk about it, but he sounded really excited! There must be something special about this guy then. Oh & what's his name again...Ah yes, it's Sean. I guess his ancestors are from Ireland. Anyway he said Sean offered to help him with the luggages since he carried three large bags with him, & showed him around the campus. He's already spent a year in the school so he knows. That sounds nice.

  & I'm suddenly asking myself one thing. Why don't I ask Brian about the message thing? He's a programmer & I know he won't take this as a joke. He usually laugh everything off but not this, I'm pretty sure. I'll be off tomorrow so maybe I'll tell him about it. He probably knows at least how these messages were sent to me & just me.

* * *

G called to ask me about the KotN project + told me that she's cleared up all the bugs. Great. + since she called, Mr McAdam didn't bother me anymore. Yeah he's in charge of watching my progress while Mr O'Brien keeps himself busy with the things I don't do. My job's actually pretty easy + as I said, much much better than the dull hospital database thingy.

Oh + I guess I've lost interest in sending these messages. Don't know what Kian will do though.

3rd Sep 1995. Sun.

Yeah, sun.


	20. 4 September 1995

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UGGGHHHHHH I forgot to post a chapter yesterday AGAIN...But seriouly this work is gradually becoming my personal journal lmao. And aww yes did I mention that [HomeTown](https://twitter.com/hometownoffic) followed me on Twitter? Well yeah they did! Dayl asked if anyone wanted a follow last Thursday and I replied and then on Friday morning after me piano class I found a follow! Okay forgive my fangirlness. Anyway two chaps for today.

4th Sep 1995. Cloudy. Mon.

  Brian's not home. He doesn't go out so much! Yeah he was in Cork for two days but that's business. So I went to Mrs Onion's instead because she said she wanted to hear more about my music. I brought my guitar, clever me! She's really a fan & so supportive, just like Nana. & she's a guitar badass too, you belive or not. Can I say that about an elderly lady though? Well she won't mind. I played _Waiting For Superman_ , _What Hurts The Most_ & covered _Of Wolf & Man_ & _Bohemian Rhapsody_. She learned some of the tunes  & God she smashed it!

  But I still didn't tell her about the messages. Yeah she's a very nice person & I've never met someone so lovely before, but I know she'd just get really worried & take it too serious if I told her. I for some reason still prefer to just let Brian know. But well, they haven't sent anything since the day before yesterday. I don't know if he can still figure out the thing without actual messages.

* * *

Shite! No, not really 'cause it's business + they don't really decide but why do they just need me TODAY but not any other day!? I'm not really planning anything - I'd like to go to Kian's again though but it's not set anyway - but I just wanna be off this whole day so at least I KNOW I can go if I want to! + strange that it's Mr O'Brien this time, nowhere to find Mr McAdam. He said that he's got some other things + was away today, but anyway he said it's just a reschedule of the deadlines, so whatever. + he's meeting me in half an hour at Temple Bar.

4th Sep 1995. Mon.

Don't really wanna go outside but have to.


	21. 5 September 1995

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Registration tomorrow...I don't really wanna go but well that's not up to me. If I don't go I'm not sure if the admission is still available for the visa.

5th Sep 1995. Sunny. Tue.

  Mrs Chevalier has been especially happy today, & I guess it's because Ron is back to school. She made coffee for all of us! We ordered pizza for lunch & the boy who delivered it was really nice. I assume he's just about my age, or maybe a bit older. & he has that cute smile! Didn't ask his name though; it would be weird. & since Garry is away, Mrs Chevalier mentioned this afternoon that we might need to recruit someone new, & I was picked to be one of interviewers! Jeez I've never interviewed anyone before. Hope I don't scare the newbies. I mean, everytime I try to look serious, people either laugh their ass off or think I'm creepy, & if I have to choose I prefer the latter.

  No new messages & I'm not sure if I should feel easy or worried. As I said, if they kept coming then they weren't moving on, but now? Maybe I need to come home earlier & go tell Brian about it. It's not yet driving me mad or anything close to that but I don't know how long before it does.

* * *

Deadlines pushed off a week so I have more time. But well, not really. + I spotted Kian looking over at my house several times this evening when he's heading back. Shall I count that as part of his reaction to the messages? That's a bit slow though. Is there anything he wanna tell me or what? Anyway whatever he wanna say it will be next Monday.

\+ G sent me a photo of her new makeup today. She used turquoise eye shadows this time with hazel, purple, gold + white. This girl will NEVER get tired of painting her face I get it.

5th Sep 1995. Tue.

Didn't go out so nah I don't know the weather.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh and I just casted Mark Gatiss as Mrs Chevalier. It's on Wattpad but I feel like noting it here too. In his Val style! I love Auntie Val.


	22. 6 September 1995

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Registration has almost killed me today and my heels are still hurting like hell everytime I stand up! And yes, I suddenly found that _Nothing In Common_ by [Christopher](christophermusic.dk) is a prefect Johnlock song! Yeah this has nothing to do with this work but well! _You got heart, I got brain, and you say we got nothing in common at all._ It's just fits!

6th Sep 1995. Sunny. Wed.

  Shane called & told me about registration...I mean, man you don't have to report it to me every year right?! He did this ever since college & jeez I feel like I'm his babysitter or something. Yeah it's cool hearing him talking all about it because I myself ain't going to witness all that anyway but well, I don't know if any other people will do this. Also partly because everytime he tells me about the registration is basically all his roommate & this time I got his name which is Nicky. He must be so nice to make Shane ramble off about him non-stop. I gave him my new adress & he promised to visit when he had time.

  & yeah, I went to Brian's again. I don't know why but he looked a bit nervous. That's not really like him. I asked what happened, but he like many sane people told me he's fine. But he's not usually sane! So eventually I decide not to trouble him more so I didn't tell him about the messages.

* * *

Why did he come today!? Shouldn't he be working? He asked me what's happened + if there's anything wrong, + of course I said I'm prefectly fine. When I saw him coming my way, I was afraid that he'd ask me about the messages. But thank God he didn't! I know one day he will though, but then I'd be more prepared. + now it's almost midnight, 23:23, by the way.

6th Sep 1995. Wed.

Lovely moonlight.


	23. 7 September 1995

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> En route to SIA to take portfolio courses...I pretty much like it despite how far the place is from me home. And I'm posting a new Mormor work today and hopefully I can update a new part of Chap III of [Crystal Globe](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5343728) this week.

7th Sep 1995. Sunny still! Thu.

  lt's sunny & pretty nice for three days! This should mean something.

  I met a cool girl on the bus today & she liked Metallica too! They should have a new album out soon. She's also in a band called the Glamour Gears. Well, pretty cool name for an all-girl band. I got to know that she worked in the workshop next to ours! We had lunch at her office (yeah the staffs there have their own offices!) & she told me a secret. A real secret, big one. & since I promised to kerp it I'm not writing it down. But she's really nice! We've planned a karaoke at my place next Monday.

* * *

G dropped by today seeing how I'm doing. She said she met a guy! They met on the bus this morning + that guy works in the clothes shop next to our workshop. That sounds nice. They had lunch together + they're both mad Metallica fans! Jeez. She said they're meeting up at that guy's to sing karaoke. Man Kian will like this I guess.

7th Sep 1995. Thu.

Still clear + warm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Currently I'm sitting on the subway train of Line 10 between two guys and feeling like the beef in a burger.


	24. 8 September 1995

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Met all my roommates today and they're SO NICE! Like, I actually got the highest CEE score in the entire College Of Architecture And Urban Planning and I got a scholarship for that despite the fact that I'm probably leaving this school after half a sememster, but they're still so kind and supportive! And I'm moving in next Monday. Pity that today's SIA course was cancelled...We were told there would be a class meeting at 2pm but the teacher didn't know that, so eventually we didn't have it, but by then I'd already told my tutor at SIA that I wasn't gonna make the course. Well, although this means I have more time to get ready for the next course which is on Sunday via Skype (or QQ, but I think we're using Skype this time because last time we used QQ and the signal was terrible).

8th Sep 1995. Recovered from the rain and sunny again. Fri.

  The thunderstorm last night was terrifying! It was so sudden, & therefore very cool this morning! I actually felt a bit cold on my way to the shop. But then it was sunny and warm again.

  Interviewed a few people today, two guys and three girls. They were all very nice & I could see some of them really needed this job, but Mrs Chevalier denied all their applications. I don't really get it - I mean, one of the guys with dark chocolate hair and beautiful hazel eyes named Gabriel O'Hara is running out of money to pay the bills & if he doesn't pay them this month he's gonna be driven out of the apartment which means he'll have nowhere to live! Man he NEEDS this job okay? & he's really cool & genuinely WANT this job, not just for the money. I talked to Mrs Chevalier for about half an hour convincing her to accept him, & great that she finally was so done with me that she let him in. The guy was over the moon when we called him back! He's about 20 or so, & is a really lovely person. The other people didn't impress me that much even though I know that they'd do a good job too. Sorry guys.

  Gabriel thanked me a huge lot & so I invited him home for tea. & he insisted that I call him Gab because that's how he's called at school. Well, okay. He's a medical student in UCD! That's brilliant. & he asked a LOT about the job, things that we do everyday, the schedule, everything about other staffs, etc. You can tell by the look in his eyes that he likes his future job. & he's actually a music badass! & he's in the drama club. Man he's a legend. Medicine, music, drama, & what else can this guy do?

  Oh & the girl I met yesterday is called Genevieve Hayes, by the way.

* * *

Another normal day...Wrote a few new lines but not many ideas recently. Kian took a guy home today - no I mean it's probably just a visit, yeah - but the guy looks lovely! He has dark hair + large dark eyes + they seem to have known each other for some time. He glanced at my direction, you know what! I love his eyes. Kinda wanna know this lad; he must be very nice.

Right I'm gonna take a shower so maybe I'll have more inspiration for the songs.

8th Sep 1995. Fri.

Sunny + nice!


	25. 9 September 1995

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hate examinations. Got there at almost 9am and waited in the queue for half an hour. Got our textbooks today and yay I'm in Class A for English! This means that we have only one textbook (while Class B and C have seven) and all other tutorials are online. And we have little or no homework, and we're gonna take L4 tests in December. And got to know a really nice girl from my class! She lives in the dorm across from ours, and because our door has some problem with the lock, she offered to let us drop by when we can't open the door and she can always fix the lock! Moving in next Monday when classes officially begin.

9th Sep 1995. Cloudy. Sat.

  Shane dropped by today since he had no classes. Just his regular annual report to me about everything. They had a school play to enter some competition last semester where his dear Nicky Byrne played a dancer (I mean, why PLAY a dancer but not just BE a dancer?) Anyway they just knew that they got the first prize which is brilliant! Even Shane didn't take part in it. We recalled the days when we played _Grease_ together in high school  & that time when Shane danced in front of the mirror in the gents with all costumes & shades on was class! We must have been laughing at that for a whole week.

  The pizza boy passed by again this noon but we didn't order anything so he didn't come in. But he did took a look our way & smiled at us! Oh my God he's so cute.

* * *

Nothing much, just working + chilling. G has already gotten really excited even though her meetup with that guy she met is on Monday. + she hasn't told me his name yet but well, I don't really care. She didn't even bother describing more details of him knowing that I 'will be bored to hell + go to bed instead'. Her words not mine. Well, then she must really like him. Hmm.

A small meeting tomorrow at Temple Bar so I'm gonna go prepare for it a little! No I'm not nervous it's just general reports. Deadline 7 weeks later so yeah no need to hurry.

9th Sep 1995. Sat.

Cool with little breeze!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Need to catch up with the date! Too busy recently. I don't think it's possible to update other works.


	26. 10 September 1995

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The WiFi in our dorm room was broken...Had fish tofu noodles in Chongqing style at the dorm canteen for dinner and it was nice!

10th Sep 1995. Sunny. Sun.

  Shane stayed last night in the sofa but he has classes at 8am so he left early. I therefore didn't get to sleep over, but tomorrow is Monday right? Which means I'm meeting Genevieve! She's already beyond excited. We decided not to pick songs in advance, so it's gonna be kinda challenging, yeah. Hope Mrs Onion doesn't hear the noise & come over though! She's always nice but well, Genevieve doesn't know her yet, so it can be awkward.

  We all think the pizza boy's really lovely so we called pizza today but it wasn't him. We asked the guy & he said he didn't know where he was, because they just didn't usually tell each other where they were going. Okay then. But the lad today is very nice too.

* * *

Saw a guy - not the one last time even though they look a bit alike - went into Kian's house last evening + didn't see him came out. Well, maybe when I was sleeping. The guy has dark hair + dark eyes too. Not a clue who that was but he seemed to be a good friend of Kian's.

Ugh why do I even care.

G is over the moon now by the way. I really wanna know what that guy is like! Yes I care now okay.

10 September 1995. Sun.

Not bad.


	27. 11 September 1995

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chap today and I'll try to get on Wattpad...

11th Sep 1995. Cool. Mon.

  I never understand one thing - why is 11 'eleven' but not something like 'ten-one'? People seem to dislike saying ten-one because it's the same with French and Spanish.

  Genevieve came over today! Yeah it's planned but still I'm so happy to have spent the day with her. She has a girlfriend do you believe. She's out & proud & that's so cool! We did a bunch of songs I can't even remember them all. But we almost did the entire _Black Album_!  & some classy ones like _Uptown Girl_ of course. She could recite all the lyrics of _On Raglan Road_ & _Rocky Road To Dublin_ & _The Streets Of Galway_! Jeez.

  & you know what, she knows Brian! She's his secretary! What a fucking small world. But well I didn't ask her about the messages. Yes I still remember them. I doubt if she would know anything.

  But she sings really well! & I love her makeup. She's the kind of cool girl with the voice of a boy, you know. I'm not really into sweet voices either so yeah, great. She's from Tuam & she speaks in a very cute accent! Like she'd not even try to pronounce 'three' like 'three'. She'd simply say 'tree' & it's not her job to make others understand. That's so...I don't know, but I like that. She didn't say much about her girlfriend though, & I didn't ask. We ate junk food all day & didn't really have any meal but who cares!? Salt & vinegar chips are the best! Well it's almost midnight I gotta go ti bed . Work tomorrow!

* * *

WHAT THE HECK!? The guy G met is Kian! Yes Kian Egan it's him. + they made noises all day next door but I couldn't go + stop them. UGH. I should have thought it could be him when she said they were meeting on Monday around here! So I'm gonna finish my work today now it's 3:41am.

11th Sep 1995. Mon.

Just why him!?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes the Tuam accent...I mean Brendan Murray is so damn cute! AND he can sing _The Streets If Galway_ like saying his own name and his voice is just AMAZING!


	28. 12 September 1995

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right it's the fourth time I write this...Accidentally tapped backspace the first time and accidentally restarted once and the last time Firefox crushed. So it's my first day in university...Not too bad, just 15 minutes late for sketch class because I couldn't find the building. AGAIN! We have a ridiculous bunch of buildings that look almost the same. The English teacher is nice, and because we have a screen in front of everyone, I can do what I want while listening, say, designing giftcards for Domo. The art teacher blabbered all the class off and let us go at around 3pm. The class is scheduled from 1:30pm to 7:30pm okay?! He left us to buy what we'll need next wwek so we can draw something next time, but since I don't need to buy anything I took a shower and chill and decided to write a chap.

12th Sep 1995. Nice. Tue.

   I must have still stayed up yet a bit too late last night...Almost late for work this morning but luckily Mrs Chevalier was delighted because her son didn't make a scene at school so she wasn't mad at me not being at work a few minutes earlier like she expects. It seems like her son has been really moody these days. I guess that's what the boys at his age are like? Gab has been doing really well & he certainly knows how to work with people! He's very funny & kind & real sweet. And guess what, he knows the lad who sent us pizza on Sunday! We decided to order another pizza for Liz's birthday & yes still pizza because basically Papa John's doesn't make other things. It will probably be that cute guy this time because we told the lad on Sunday that we'd like to see him.

  Brian just knocked on my door & literally broke in! He asked if I knew Genevieve Hayes & I said yes, & he stormed out again before I could ask what happened. Jeez, is she alright?!

* * *

I went to ask Kian if he knew G although I know he does. He said he did + I just walked out even though knowing that he wanna say something. I don't know why I'm being like this simply upon learning they know each other. I asked G how they knew each other + she told me that Kian worked just in the shop next to her office building! They came across each other on a bus + G figured out they were both Metallica fans when she heard Kian humming some tune of them. Don't remember the title of the song. But G is G, so she went over + made a conversation + they got on really well. + so they are together + met up yesterday. It's nice to see her so happy though.

But the lines she sent me today were full of mistakes. I can't really blame her, because if it was me having a party like that at night, I would not be doing my job properly the next morning. + we're not hurrying!

12th Sep 1995. Tue.

Nice weather.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On my phone and FINALLY!


	29. 13 September 1995

13th Sep 1995. Cloudy. Wed.

  Liz's birthday is tomorrow so we're already talking about what to order today. Genevieve came over for lunch & they all liked her too! She called me to the back & said that yesterday Brian asked her about how we met & how we knew each other & all. I was literally shocked, you know. I mean, why would he ask? I know Genevieve is his secretary & I'm his neighbour, but why would he ask still? It's not like just random chats like 'oh hey how did you met'; Genevieve said it's like an enquiry & he asked for details. I don't think he meant to sound like that, & still there's nothing wrong to ask because curiosity is normal, but it's just weird. Of course she told him everything, & well I don't mind. I guess that's why Brian stormed out yesterday? Heaven knows what happened to him. Is there anything wrong that Genevieve & I are friends? Man he's not thinking I'm dating her right?

  Got positive feedback from Mrs Onions this evening, & she heard that I wasn't alone! I explained to her that I was with a girl but that we're just friends, & she insisted in meeting Genevieve! Gosh, shall I tell her? But I think she'll like her sweets.

  Prepared a little party for Liz tomorrow so I'm gonna rehearse the song a bit now! Decided on _Take That & Party_. She loves Take That!

* * *

Well...I think G told Kian that I asked about them yesterday. Kian gave sideway looks when he came back this evening. I don't know how G described me but I know now that I must have sounded like a middle school teacher scolding kids for puppy love. Of course I know G is with Liz; I was just worrying what if Kian doesn't. Yeah normally G will tell everyone because she's just so proud of herself, but I wasn't sure. Liz works in Mrs Chevalier's shop too, + that's where G first met her. I remember it's her birthday tomorrow? Anyway she's really sweet so I'm gonna go + surprise her.

13th Sep 1995. Wed.

Bet it's gonna rain tonight.


	30. 14 September 1995

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listening to the hella boring meeting about mechanical industry training...I'm having less time for the portfolio. Shite.

14th Sep 1995. Shower. Thu.

  HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIZ!!! Had a really great time today & we're having a discount from today to next Thursday. & it really surprised me that G's girlfriend is Liz! No wonder she didn't speak of her much. & of course she came over to join us today! She can dance, you know. So when we were singing she danced with everyone. There was one time when she danced with Mrs Chevalier & we laughed our ass off! Mrs Chevalier was a head taller than her & she sternly believed that she could dance. But well you know.

  & Brian was there too. Yeah that makes sense because Genevieve is his secretary. & he insisted in singing _You Make Me Wanna_ with me! Well okay then. He's not out of tune very often anyway.

  I told Genevieve that Mrs Onion wanna meet her. She was cool about it though, & we decided to meet up again at Mrs Onion's sweets shop next Monday. We let Brian know this time, & well, he isn't gonna come with us because he'll be asleep by then.

  Oh & that cute pizza boy came today! His name is Mark, & he's just graduated from high school. Since he didn't have much work after us, we kept him for a while. He could sing, really. He had an amazing voice! I mean, really amazing. He was a keen fan of Mariah Carey! Yeah she's wonderful, even if I haven't listened many of her songs. Genevieve invited him to come with us next Monday & he eventually said yes! Brilliant.

* * *

Been to Kian's shop today & aww the people there were so lovely! Liz was as beautiful as always. Happy birthday sweetie! Their boss Mrs Chevalier was really funny, & she has that hilarious face to make all kinds of expressions. G was there too of course, & Kian. He sang _Take That & Party_, which was amazing! I haven't expected him doing these quick songs. Well, he did it + it was pretty cool. He has the kind of voice that you would imagine singing lullabies but actually fits beats + screams better. I actually planned to sing _You Make Me Wanna_ , + I asked Kian if he wanna do the song with me. I wasn't sure if he knew the words, but he did + agreed. It was brilliant! We hadn't rehearsed at all but the duet was still great + he just KNOWS how to add a proper harmony.

\+ I don't know why they were so excited when they saw the pizza boy...? Yeah of course because of the pizza, but I felt like they paid more attention to the guy rather than the food because they greeted him so warmly making the lad blush. But he looked nice! His name was Mark + seemed like they all knew him. He stayed for a while + sang a few tunes + man that's the best voice I've ever heard. He's far from professional, but it's already wonderful. You wouldn't expect to hear that voice from a white lad at his age! I don't think he's reached 20.

Anyway it's super fun today! + I'm going to bed it's not my usual bedtime already.

14th Sep 1995. Thu.

Had a real good time! Happy birthday again Liz!


	31. 15 September 1995

15th Sep 1995. Shower. Fri.

  Getting cold when it rains...Tomorrow will be my first month here! Can't believe I've already stayed so long. I mean, I still remember the days at Mrs O'Flaherty's, & I'm even missing her a little. Yeah she asked me for the rent like a teacher asking her student for homework, & she didn't allow baking in the apartment because she thought the house could be burnt down, & she complaint about us all day long, but she would repair whatever was broken immediately after we told her, & she would ask if we had a nice meal, she would wake us up if we didn't appear downstairs after 9am, she would care just too much about if we had a date, & she would scold us for not calling our mams & dads everyday or not going back home on holidays. Maybe I should go back & say hello to her some day? Don't know how she's doing now.

  Mrs Chevalier wasn't in the shop today; she was called to the principle's at her son's school. God bless her. She must be very annoyed by her son through the years because she hasn't even told us his name. Jeez what has he done. So since she wasn't in the shop we sort of enjoyed ourselves a little bit more - not that when she's there we don't, but you know, it's just like you feel better when the teacher isn't in the classroom. We spent slightly longer time on lunch & talked a bit more, that's all. Liz hasn't recovered from yesterday's party mood yet! Not many people today anyway because of the rain, so it doesn't really matter. & thank God our roof was checked & repaired on Monday, or it will be raining inside too!

* * *

Test ran well + part one done! Great. G has been doing well + very effeciently too. She doesn't really hate that work too much + I don't know how she did that. + seriously I'm not in charge of character design but their knights are still so ugly! Just look at the costumes! Can't believe any princess would like to marry them. Even though that's one of the goals of the players. The princesses aren't too bad though. I feel like I have something undone but I don't know what it is...whatever. Oh yes I gotta fix my window. It rained today so maybe I'll get it repaired tomorrow. By the way the breeze + moon tonight is lovely!

15th Sep 1995. Fri.

Showered + cool now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I created my first font! It's called Domo - Ballade Irlandaise and it's initially for Domo Live Fragrance, a brand that I'm redesigning but I think I'm uploading it somewhere after the portfolio is finished. The font is not JUST for a brand anyway. The next step is to create yet another set of English font and a set of Chinese font...I'm not gonna do all the characters but just a few that I will need in the portfolio, but it's still a lot of work because traditional Chinese is so damn complicated! Good luck to myself.


	32. 16 September 1995

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAM! It's both her lunar and solar birthday today which is really precious!

16th Sep 1995. Very nice day! Sat.

  One month since I moved in! Went to have lunch with Mrs O'Flaherty & stayed for lunch break. She's doing pretty well & has a few new renters since we left. J said he'd accompany her for dinner so I didn't wait for him. Haven't seen Finn for some time, but I've heard saying that he's in the UK now. He was the one who got on the worst with Mrs O'Flaherty & they argued about everything, so I don't think they miss each other very much anyway. But J & I actually didn't hate her that much, & I really wanna know how he is now. He once told me that he thought he's gay. Of course I know how tough that can be if it's true, because he's born in a ridiculously traditional family, like, they can't even tolerate me going on dates before 18. But at least he's coming back which means he's not forced to death or something. I guess I'll go meet him at Mrs O'Flaherty's for dinner? That will be a nice surprise for both of them.

  & another thing. Mrs Chevalier came back from the principle's of her son's school with the news that he got kicked out of the school. She didn't say why but yeah, we all knew. The boy is called Joc, & we saw him today in the shop. Mrs Chevalier took him with her because basically he's got nowhere to go. I'd say he's actually a lovely guy despite whatever he'd done at school. & it's hard to believe but he's in fact pretty shy. It's not that he's pretending or something; he's just shy & you can see that in his eyes. He blushed everytime we talked to him! I wonder how he could lead an entire gang at school & mess around. Or probably he just fooled everybody with this cute face? But still he's really nice to us all. Maybe it's something about that school or the people there that caused him to do whatever he did. If that was the case I'm really gonna feel sorry for him.

* * *

Kian came back REALLY late tonight. I was just thinking I could stay in his for a while. These characters are driving me mad! I mean, why can't they just make them a bit better-looking? Why can't they just dress a bit more neatly? I have no right to blame the designers, of course, + I know it's hard designing a character, but ugh. Great thing is that neither Mr McAdam nor Mr O'Brien check up on me very often. + I assume it's four or five weeks to closing my part of KotN.

16th Sep 1995. Sat.

Cool breeze!


	33. 17 September 1995

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chinese is killing me.

17th Sep 1995. A bit of storm. Sun.

  Saw J last evening! He's been rather busy but not to a harmful degree. He's working in a design workshop, which is really cool! He showed us the project he's currently doing for some ballroom dance dir Carl Calverly. I've heard of this guy before even though I've never seen any of his plays. They say he's the best-looking choreographer & director in the circle; well, fairly speaking, he indeed is rather handsome I'd say. & I've heard people say he's gay, & that he's together with another Spanish choreographer. Whatever. We spent the rest of the dinner listening to J blabbering about Boyzone. He's really into them! He knows every song & who sang which part & everything a fan can ever know about the boyz. Jeez he's kind of mad. But it's okay & cool because he's not the only one. I know how great BZ are even though they have only released their debut album _Said & Done_ on 1st January which isn't the top of the chart or something, & to be fair I like them too, just not as much as J does. He just doesn't know all the lines or he'll be a genius. But yeah he sang two of his favourite songs, _Oh Carol_ & _Love Me For A Reason_. I actually love _Key To My Life_ & _Can't Stop Me_ pretty much too  & basically because Steo is just a legend, but J refused to sing them because they're rather hard for ordinary guys. Yeah I agree. That's what makes them precious isn't it. I'm a bit surprised that Mrs O'Flaherty listened really attentively with great interest. She was listening to Beethoven & Mozart & Debussy & all! So she's into these young lads now? Cool.

  No news of Finn. I'm afraid he's not coming back in a few years. Mrs O'Flaherty said she might be a bit hard on him before but well, I don't think so. He's really burnt down the kitchen once because he wanna test out a bomb or something he made. Gosh he was insane.

  & when I said that Joc was kicked out of school they were like nah. Well I don't see that reaction on many people. I described that Joc was actually real sweet & very nice to us, & J exclaimed that he wanna meet him! I'm not very sure what he's gonna do to him though, because as far as I know J hasn't got any girlfriend & that's unfair for a guy with his face. But well, who knows. Anyway I'll see when we're getting together again & if by then Joc can come over.

  Nothing special today but it doesn't matter because tomorrow is Monday! G & I will meet at Mrs Onion's. She said she'd call tonight so yeah, still a few hours to go.

* * *

Tomorrow is Monday which means they will be noisy as hell with Mrs A c there. UGH. I'm gonna finish all the work today. + why does it rain today!? I was planning to fix my window today.

17th Sep 1995. Sun.

Storm!


	34. 18 September 1995

18th Sep 1995. Sunny. Mon.

  OMG it's the best day EVER!! Mrs Onion is so nice & I'd never seen anyone at her age enjoying themselves so much. & G & her got on really well & viva Metallica! I can't even describe this day with words...I mean, so many things happened & where do I begin?! G arrived half an hour earlier than planned & since I was ready we went to see how Mrs Onion was & she'd long been waiting for us! It's weird still feeling guilty for being 'late' even you're 30 minutes early.

  So yeah technically we kicked off half an hour before planned without warning & I'm pretty sure Brian was frustrated. I know he usually sleeps at that time right. But well, anyway he didn't break in & yell at us to be quiet so whatever. We imagined how he would scold us that we ruined his sleep we really did! G asked if his eyes would glow green. Jesus Christ! That would be a scene to see.

  Mrs Onion said Brian secretly called her Mrs A c but she knew it. & 'A c' stands for the Latin name of onion & I remember it's Alias cepas or something. Whatever. I'm glad that my name isn't any kind of plant or what! But she didn't mind anyway & she thought that if he gave her nicknames it meant that he liked her. Yeah that makes sense; you won't bother creating a nickname for someone you hate right.

  & of course we did songs! It was everyone's solo jam first & you know what, Mrs Onion did _Hey Jude_ & she rocked! & then it was four chord challenge, & then just a marathon or maybe we can call that a medley too. Whatever. G was mixing all the songs together making them sound like one song & I've no idea how she did that!

  Anyway I think I'm still gonna say sorry to Brian tomorrow. Not sure if that's a good idea but if I don't I'd feel bad!

* * *

These badasses...But okay to be fair they weren't bad at it. I'm not anywhere close to a Metallica fan but yeah, I pretty much enjoyed this free gig. But MAAAAAAN can we not do this all day long! Thank God I finished the work yesterday. + got the window fixed.

18th Sep 1995. Mon.

Sunny!


	35. 19 September 1995

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In English class and probably I'm gonna sing _Roses_ in the upcoming bloody talent show thingy...

19th Sep 1995. Sunny. Tue.

  It's a bad idea to go say sorry to Brian yes I had expected that. He didn't really mind our noises yesterday though. & he's kinda surprised that I chose to come at 9pm when he's awake but well I don't get it. He kept me for his breakfast which is my dinner even though I'd eaten. Jeez he eats chips for breakfast! He's not into Metallica but he said despite ruining his sleep he enjoyed it. Great. So this means we can do this again.

  Gabriel is doing better & better! He's really good at sorting things & he's got the memory of a genius. He's quite close with the other pizza boy whose name we learnt was Lilien Marshall. Yeah that guy's born in France. Which means Gab speaks English, Gaeilge & French! Jeez. He says sláinte instead of cheers or santé! That's pretty cute. Right maybe I shouldn't describe a guy as cute but well he is!

* * *

Oh my Kian is so bloody nice to come over + apologise for being noisy yesterday! I'd never even thought of doing that. I said I didn't mind + I don't know how much he believes it, but I saw the little bit of relief in his eyes. G is kind of overwhelmed today + yeah okay I understand.

Too lazy to cook so I had chips for breakfast + Kian agreed to stay + eat! Oh my are there nicer neighbours?

19th Sep 1995. Tue.

Nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I did the first pre-verse and verse of _Roses_ and it was not too bad. Yeah cool. Even though I hate that mic.


	36. 20 September 1995

20th Sep 1995. Fine. Wed.

  Gab has a sister! Her name is Andrea & she's really lovely & so beautiful, like, really gorgeous. & she's an art student. She came over today & you know what, her friends call her Andy! I mean, that's really cool for a girl isn't it? Like girls named Samantha may be usually called Sam. I asked him about Mark since he knows Lilien, but he said he'd never met this guy. Okay then. I don't know why but I wanna see Mark again. He's really sweet! But we can't order pizza any more this month or we'll get tired of it.

  &...nothing much. No news about Finn but well, I guess he just wanna leave it. So let him.

* * *

So...ordered a pizza for breakfast since I ate too little yesterday. Yeah maybe a bag of chips wasn't a little but well, that's not a proper breakfast right. The deliver boy was so nice to ask if I needed the pizza completely cut. He's got lovely curly hair + sky blue eyes + he's so funny! I mean, the kind that you look at him + you can laugh. He said he's just in charge of this area + recently they sent a new guy here too who's just graduated from high school. I asked if they had a schedule thing like from when to when which of them was delivering, + he said there's not. Then that's about luck when I will see the other guy! Great. But no I'm not very into pizzas so maybe a few weeks later.

\+ it's been pretty long since I stopped the stupid messages + Kian seems to have forgotten about it too. Why do I think of it though? Heaven knows. Still have his IP address so actually I can begin again whenever I want. But nah. I'm not doing these awkward things again let's just forget about it.

20th Sep 1995. Wed.

Sunny but not too much.


	37. 21 September 1995

21st Sep 1995. Shower. Thu.

  Suddenly feeling this week passing so fast! Yeah maybe it's because so many things happened. Nothing very special today though & I guess that's a balance? The discount has attracted many students of course & it's been a little busier these days. But man we have Gab! I said a lot of times but he's a genius! Oh I like him so much. Not just because he's really efficient at work but he's so nice! & there are times like, you know he's tired & you know the costumers are really picky which is annoying but he still keeps patient & puts the smile on. I don't know how he can do that. & his eyes can speak; you see everything in them. It's the same with his lovely sister.

  & I suddenly remember a thing...have I asked Brian about the weird messages yet? I don't quite remember I have. But anyways it's been so long & I don't care much now.

* * *

I...feel like Kian has something to tell me? Oh Brian stop. Please please don't be the messages. I don't wanna mention them anymore it's the most awkward thing I've ever done in my life + I'm not doing that again + let it slip. Hope he doesn't remember it either? But I guess he does he just doesn't say it. What if he knows it's me? Jeez.

G said I'd die from over-thinking + she's probably right.

21st Sep 1995. Thu.

I guess it rained? Because the ground is wet.


	38. 22 September 1995

22nd Sep 1995. Still raining. Fri.

  Great...so the moment I closed the door it began to rain cats & dogs. It's been rather windy & showering all day long so yeah it's actually predictable. But Pat's got some late night rehearsals recently & Gosh how's he gonna get home? I wonder who it is to demand actors to rehearse at night! Can't they just do that at a normal time? What do they do during the day then? Because Pat will go to the rehearsals during lunch break too.

  & this weather is so annoying! Yeah it looks really nice when you stay in the shop looking out of the window, but you won't care a shit about how beautiful the city is in the rain when all the costumers stepped in & out of your shop & left wet dirty footprints everywhere. Especially when they left without even seriously looking at anything! But if someone comes in for a shelter I'll still let them in. Not just because it can make them pick something!

* * *

Ugh it's raining again, cool. No I'm not into rainy days of course as a Dubliner, but that doesn't affect me does it. As long as no one asks me out or go to some meetings. Kian's really lucky today because it began pouring as soon as I heard his door shut! I believe he brought an umbrella though. Just remember I have a mug with a brilliant quote for this weather reading, 'LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS. IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN...' Pretty deep right. Bought it a few years ago & forgot about it after a few days. Oops.

22nd Sep 1995. Fri.

Happy Friday but not really because it's raining so heavily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really there IS this mug with this quote! [Ryan McLoughlin](http://twitter.com/iamRyanMc) tweeted the pic not long ago.


	39. 23 September 1995

23rd Sep 1995. Fine & cool. Sat.

  Shane called me just now to say that Nicky got hurt last night. Man he must love him so much! But okay well falling off a motorbike is pretty terrible, especially on a rainy night. He said some drunkies were 'kicking football everywhere' (I sort of wonder what that looked like) & it hit Nicky so he was thrown off the motorbike. Eww that's scary. But you know what, he got up right afterwards & shot the ball back! Jeez. Shane said he's feeling a bit bad now because he wanted to know what happened but Nicky refused to say so he stopped him from leaving & made his wounded shoulder smash on headboard of the bed. Um yeah it's something like this. He talked a LOT I can't even remember what he said first. Anyway hope he gets well soon! & wait so he's in the same crew with Pat? Pat has been rather excited about the rehearsals at night & I don't know why. Is there something to do with Nicky then? Because he's obviously got Shane!

  Oh yes, Pat was alright last night & when they wrapped up it had already stopped raining. He hasn't said anything about the rehearsals though. Just I heard that it's a dance by Carl Calverly? That's gonna be really cool. I can go watch it with Shane because I know he defo will go. Nicky is in, so he will! & man I can't imagine Pat dancing! I NEED to see it.

* * *

Great day! Went out with G a bit today + Liz joined us for lunch. It's getting a little cold but it's nice. Actually wanted to hang out with Kian after dinner but he's been on the phone since he came back! Jeez I didn't know guys could talk on the phone for hours too. I though only girls do that! Or well probably he's been talking to a girl, yeah. + I stopped myself from listening. But it sounded like something serious + not that nice, so well I'd better not ask. Gonna spend the night at Temple Bar!

23rd Sep 1995. Sat.

Cool + fresh weather!


	40. 24 September 1995

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's officially the birthday of my bestie [Mary Wang](http://happyyyygolfdish.tumblr.com)'s birthday so happy birthday dude! Have a nice one!

24th Sep 1995. Sunny. Sun.

  So...I guess Nicky really got some serious wounds because Shane was calling me again today to say that he's gonna go with him tonight. I don't know, I mean if I were in his situation I'd not really like that idea. Yeah I know he just cares but well, I don't think someone like Nicky would like it. He's one year older than most students remember! He's been in those top teams & toured everywhere. But I didn't say all these shit to Shane because he won't listen. He just won't. But I think this guy called Nicky Byrne must have something special that have some kind of magic on Shane. & seriously I wonder what he'll be doing during the rehearsals? He's not in the cast & he defo can't just stand in the training hall. Ugh he's so mad.

  Okay...so free tomorrow! Um...shall I be playing some music again? I mean we've been pretty noisy last two Mondays so maybe I'll keep quiet this time. For once. Oh & I asked Pat & he said Carl was the dir & Nicky was in the cast but he told me not to tell anyone about the latter. Um, I think writing it in the diary doesn't count?

* * *

Duh. Monday again tomorrow + I don't know if anyone's gonna ask me to go to meetings. I'm starting to get bored of this thing now...AGAIN. Why ain't there just a project that I don't get tired of in a longer time!? Jeez. But seriously these knights look terrible. But probably Kian's gonna make some noise tomorrow? I haven't heard G mention any plan though. Well okay they can't get together every Monday right.

24th Sep 1995. Sun.

Bright sunny day.


	41. 25 September 1995

25th Sep 1995. Mostly Sunny. Mon.

  So I'm staying in & bring quiet today. Shane doesn't have many lectures on Mondays so we talked on the phone all afternoon. & yeah mostly about the rehearsals, & I thought things would go right this time since he's so over-protective but no, they didn't.

  I start a new para so it looks as important as it really is.

  The dir, Mr Calverly, came to pick them up at the gate, that's right. & the rehearsals went well & Shane got so amazed & impressed & sprang everything on me. I just waited for him to finish rambling on about how brilliant the dance routines for the leading role were & even a doofus can get that he's talking about Nicky not the whatever dance routines. Then there came the point. Carl drove them back & there was a guy on the road & he rode very close beside them, like, he could crash into their car any moment; & the lad had a cigarette lit in his hand which was swaying outside the window. Shane said that Carl probably knew the guy, & it was pretty obvious that they were followed. Fortunately the weirdo quit after a few failed tries but that was no good sign. & Carl didn't tell them who the person was, but he whispered 'it's him'. Jeez this is scary! I mean you got knocked off by a football coming from nowhere & the next day you were followed by a strange guy that someone knows but refuses to tell you. At midnight.

  I'd better not to scare him more by telling him about the messages.

  But this is still a lit to take! Oh but Shane mentioned that a really hot girl with dark hair & dark eyes kept glancing at him! Oooh this should mean something.

* * *

Dammit where's the music? Kian was on the phone all afternoon + yeah okay I think he just likes that. Dunno who that was though. UGH why do I even care! I heard a few things though even I didn't mean to. But he's standing so close to the window + I just CAN HEAR! It was something about another guy he knows + it seems like there's something wrong + that guy is in some trouble. I heard him say car, so maybe an accident. + he also mentioned some dance or whatever, + I don't really get it. + in the end he awed rather loudly I don't know what happened. But okay I don't think it's about the accident though (if it's an accident at all). Nah again why do I even care.

25th Sep 1995. Mon.

Nice day + back to my damn work.


	42. 26 September 1995

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously it rained so heavily yesterday! The water was so deep at the gate of the neighbourhood that we had to walk on bricks (which were already underwater) or climb over the fence. But thankfully it stopped in the afternoon.

26th September 1995. Raining all day. Tue.

  Jeez this rain is crazy. I've only seen this kind of rain in Sligo! & one thing, dancing in the rain results in getting to work with water in your shoes, yes. But anyway Mrs Chevalier was very pleased that I got to work on time because even Gab was late! Can't blame someone like him though because he must have apologised for a thousand times! He's just so sweet I can't even...& thank God the rain has stopped.

  Shane told me what happened last night & it scared me to death I almost freaked! But he told me not to let a single person know so I'm not even writing it down in case someone sees. I know how dangerous it could be right.

* * *

Haven't met this kind of rain for how many years? I think the last time was at least 5 years ago. + I just wanna sleep! This weather isn't for working. I'm closing the curtains + going to bed.

26th Sep 1995. Tue.

This rain is so damn cool.


	43. 27 September 1995

27th Sep 1995. Back to sunny. Wed.

  What happened to Shane - to the crew, to be exact - yesterday us still haunting me...It's really terrifying, especially when you can't tell anyone! But right for their sake I'm keeping the secret. But it's keeping me out of my plate today.

* * *

Forgot to write this thing yesterday. I met Mark, + his bike was broken, + umbrella didn't work in the rain like that if yesterday. So I fixed his bike + kept him for tea + he's so nice! A bit shy + slightly too cautious but generally he's really cute. + he's got large blue eyes! He's just graduated from high school + just over 18. But that's not what I wanna say. I mean, he arcane back to thank me! It's on his way anyway but people aren't always this thoughtful + grateful for these little things right. + yeah had a nice sleep yesterday.

27th Sep 1995. Wed.

Cool fresh weather!


	44. 28 September 1995

28th Sep 1995. Windy. Thu.

  It's getting cold really...& Shane said that they were still rehearsing after what happened the night before. But I can't say it's the wise choice. I mean, I'd just quit if I were Carl. Doesn't he know what they have done! & Nicky's not allowing him to go with him, & he's not even letting him answer the calls from the crew members. It sounds strange but Shane still does as he says because Nicky is the one who's rehearsing. Well then. 

  & Garry has stayed a month in the US I think? He called today & said that he's been dking great. There are lots of Irish lads there so they're still celebrating everything & singing & dancing & all. That's cool! Wondering what they do on St Paddy's Day. Anyway they're having Christmas lights & a lighting ceremony so yeah, amazing. & Sean. Garry said he really liked him & that reminded me of how Shane described Nicky every time. It's really important to have a nice friend when you're out there alone!

* * *

Oops it's Thursday again! This week passed so quickly. But right...nothing much today. Shall I go to Kian's tomorrow? Hmm, maybe.

28th Sep 1995. Thu!

Nah I don't know the weather.


	45. 29 September 1995

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably going to Today Art Museum or 751 tomorrow! Great.

29 Sep 1995. Sunny but not so warm. Fri.

  Well great news that so far nothing happened to Shane & the crew. But I don't jnow how long it can last.

  Okay so it's Friday! I don't know I'm just really looking forward to the weekend this time for no reason. Lilien just passed by & said hi, but Mark has been kinda busy these days, haven't seen him for a while.

* * *

Went to Kian's today as planned. Okay maybe there wasn't a plan but okay. He's not so prepared to see me + not expecting it either but well he let me in + stay till bedtime. That's about 10pm. I suddenly realised what if he asked about the messages! Thank God he didn't but well that could be scary. I had breakfast there which was his dinner. Nah whatever. + yeah that's mostly it. I don't know how the time passed because I feel like we didn't do anything! Saturday tomorrow so sleep over!

29th Sep 1995. Sat.

A bit cold but okay.


	46. 30 September 1995

30th Sep 1995. Warm. Sat.

  Well, gonna say goodbye to September, which means Christmas is near! But why is it still so warm? Today is even sunnier than yesterday.

  Brian dropped by last evening & insisted to stay till 10:00! If it wasn't that I was going to bed I'm afraid he'd have stayed overnight. I actually still thought about asking about the messages (yeah I haven't forgot about them yet) but well that was too long ago so I'm giving up this idea. At least compared to the situation Shane is in, I'm perfectly safe! There's still no new things happening to him or anyone of the crew but well, this is not right & I doubt it won't be long before they see their next move. He has been calling me these few days mostly to say everyone's still fine. I need to get the call everyday or I can't sleep!

  As for today...well, Andy came over & sat for a while. Gab brought her the book she needed (I think it's a collection of Picasso's sketches or something?) & she came to take it. Gab paints too but not professional. But jeez isn't that still cool? He sings too & he can act, play the piano, & he knows a bit about Irish harps! Wait shall I tell him Brian has a harp? Maybe he can play it? Oooh.

* * *

End of September! Which means the deadline is close. Ugh shite. Of course I can meet it but I just hate deadlines! Told them that the knights looked way too awful + the character team said they were thinking about polishing them too. Finally.

\+ these days I discovered a new thing. Kian answers a phone call every evening at around 9pm. It's just become regular a few days ago, & I don't know what happened. Or what's happening, because he's looking really worried when he's on the phone. The conversations have become shorter + shorter though. Seems like he's waiting for the call everyday. Okay why do I even care! Again. But well, hope everything's going right. Haven't heard anything from G yet so probably nothing too bad.

30th Sep 1995. Sat.

Sunny + kinda hot.


	47. 1 October 1995

1st Oct 1995. Cloudy. Sun.

  Can we not start October like this!? Shane called me this morning to say he's moving in with me. Nicky has decided to stay in a single room so it's more convenient for him to do extra rehearsals with Éline, the other leading dancer. That's the reason he gave. I don't know exactly why Shane is so upset about it but I know he is. He definitely caught me off guard; I hadn't even cleaned the house before he broke in saying that I didn't shut the door & yes I fucking scared Mrs Onion again. Shane was rather..amused by our conversation though. & dare he say my bedroom looked like a sickroom! Ugh.

  Brian stormed in halfway too & I'm like what the heck! Brian somehow knows Shane's name & they had some small talk on the balcony when I was cleaning up the floor. Okay I don't blame them for not helping.

  & seriously...it's not funny, yeah. Not because I was almost 2 hours late. It's not like Nicky to just leave like this. I don't know him well but from what Shane has told me, he's not like this. I don't dare ask though. Brian didn't stay for very long & Shane has been locking himself up in the room for an hour now. I tried to get something from Pat today, & at first he said nothing happened. Then when I described Shane's condition to him, he dragged me into a cabinet & told me that they - he & the others in the crew - think that there's something terrible happening, but none of them know for sure & they don't dare tell people. & he doesn't know where Nicky or Shane is, neither does Éline. The others are still in touch with him, but secretly. Jeez this sounds like a film. & there's another thing he told me is that, they killed a man. That's all, though. They haven't yet burnt the body. Gosh I hope I'm not being too obvious. Anyways I eventually didn't tell him that Shane's with me.

* * *

A guy just walked in to Kian's house. He just walked in + he was on the phone! + then I heard a scream + then Mrs A c was asking what happened + Kian went off with his clumsy excuses as usual. So I delcided to go + have a look. + you know what, it's Shane Filan! Yes the guy in _Grease_. He's staying with Kian. + at that moment I knew that I was unhappy about it. Yes I admit it I like him. I don't wanna see anyone staying closer than I am with him. It's so weird but I do right. + that's why I sent all those stupid messages + I knew they wouldn't work. So I called Shane to the balcony + asked him for Kian's schedule + the height of the gap between his door + the floor. He's really cool about it which is nice. I'm a bit nervous...but okay. Okay I haven't written many lines today so back to work now.

1st Oct 1995. Sun.

Not so sunny but warm.


	48. 2 October 1995

2nd Oct 1995. Rainy. Mon.

  Okay it's not supposed to be funny. Pat didn't come to the shop today. God I hope he's alright! Yesterday he told me what they did & today he's gone. This isn't right. But I can't tell anyone about it because I've promised him not to let it out! I can't even tell Mrs Chevalier. Pat is a really nice friend. I just shouldn't have asked him about it! Heaven knows if it's because someone knows that he's told others about it. If something happens because of this it's gonna be my fault. God bless him!

  Got a call this morning from J asking me to go for a picnic. But well, it's raining alright? Anyway I went. Shane had courses at 8am but obviously he didn't go. He spent the whole day playing the piano. I came back home late in the afternoon & heard music from my house & my first reaction was to panic. Then I found Shane in the bedroom & I felt something stuck in my throat. I didn't know Nicky had such great impact on him! The picnic was fun definitely, but I don't feel like writing about it. I tried to talk to him but I knew he didn't like it at this moment. & I was sounding like the teachers in primary school. So I just left him alone. God please just let him work this out.

* * *

Shane's been playing the piano all day + all love songs! Really brilliant I've never heard a better concert. Didn't do much work today but it's worth it! I'm afraid Kian didn't know Shane's staying in however. + I don't know what has happened but the music sounded kinda sad. It's wonderful generally though. You don't hear it everyday do you.

2nd Oct 1995. Mon.

Rainy.


	49. 3 October 1995

3th Oct 1995. Sunny. Tue.

  Shane still refuses to go to college... I'm not gonna talk him into going anyways. I don't know why but Nicky has a really strong effect on him. He's staying inside all day & told me that he'll get himself food & drink. Brian stopped me before I went back home this afternoon to say that he enjoyed the music yesterday! Man it's not time for this right? & I don't think it's proper to tell Shane at this moment either. I tried not to sound too annoyed & kept my volume down but I'm afraid he heard it. I didn't mean to be angry with him it's not his fault!

 Pat hasn't come today & no one knows why. Hope he's not getting seriously ill or something! Praying. Joc dropped by today. I asked Joc if he'd like to have lunch with J & I some day & he agreed, though not very excitedly. But that means we can schedule a date! Cool.

* * *

Told Kian I liked the music yesterday but he didn't seem very happy to hear that...I don't know what happened but it seems like it's not the right occasion to say it. I wanted to ask but stopped myself. But I imagined a lot of possible things! Just didn't ask because what if it's a really sad thing that he doesn't wanna talk about or some secret? + Haven't seen Shane since the day he moved in though. I heard he's a college student? Whatever. If he's got a gig for Christmas I may go & watch.

3th Oct 1995. Tue.

Sunny + warm.


	50. 4 October 1995

4 Oct 1995. Sunny. Wed.

  Shane is still staying in...I guess he'll get over it next week? He's not depressed I'm sure because he's still willing to join me at dinner. But well, nothing much better than that. & sometimes I don't even know what to say at dinner table...Pat is still gone & we still can't get in touch with him. But we don't even dare calling the police! God I just hope he's alive.

* * *

So Shane is staying in this week to make a schedule of Kian's day...okay mainly because he doesn't feel like going to college. I asked for his permission to go over + see how he's doing + he let me. His best friend who was his roommate at school has moved out a few days ago so that it's more convenient for him + the lead dancer to do extra rehearsals. So Shane didn't wanna stay with a new roommate + moved in with Kian. They know each other since high school. + he played the songs the day before yes, which was brilliant. Yeah I know I've said that before but I'm gonna say it again it's brilliant!

4 Oct 1995. Wed.

Nice!


	51. 5 October 1995

5 Oct 1995. Rainy. Thu.

  It's really getting cold! Have to put a jacket on. Shane is still staying in. I have no idea how he spend the day but every evening when I come back he's there & there's no trace of him going out, so I know he's been indoor all day. Especially with this weather, there's no way he'll go out! Everyone in the shop's doing well even on such a rainy day, & to our surprise we saw Mark & another guy out there together during lunch break! That guy was a bit shorter than Mark & looked really cool. & even younger, I think. The boy has his bag with him so we assume he's in some school around here. & it seemed like they had just met, but that lad looked nice. Yeah I know we were being a bit too curious but think about it, Mark should be working at this time right? Even though it's raining it doesn't mean they're taking a day off. So this little guy must be rather special.

* * *

Shane's giving me some results today + has figured out a demo schedule. Kian still thinks that he's not attending lectures because his roommate moved out. Yeah partly yes, it hurts, but I'm feeling a bit guilty for having him misunderstanding it since in a way I can say that I let him stay in to get me what I need. Well. But he's glad to do that right, + he said he's really looking forward to see what comes out! Oops my dirty work has a follower. When he came over I asked him if he needed to go back to school because seriously he's got a lot of lectures! I don't want him to fall behind just because of me. But he said it was okay + that his classmates would tell him what the assignments were. He made a request to take a week off in advance, so this ain't gonna affect his final scores either.

5 Oct 1995. Thu.

They say it's raining? I don't know I didn't leave the studio.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really been a long time since I last updated...I'll complete other pages soon. Just finished my portfolio and I was quite busy last month.


	52. 6 October 1995

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I'm back...can't believe it's been three months omg. Finally got my visa and there's not much to worry about now.

6 Oct 1995. Rainy. Fri.

  Pat still didn't come to work today. It's been 4 days & any sane people will call the police yes, but heaven knows what will happen if the Gardaí gets involved! I think we should be prepared for the worst. I eventually told everyone that there's something that Pat wanted to hide from them, yeah I'm afraid at this moment this is the best explanation.

  This rain is not stopping...Shane looks better now but he's still not going to college. But well it's already Friday right? But seriously...I don't think he knows about the things that Pat told me. If he doesn't go to college next week I should really talk to him about it. He's gonna fail like this okay?! I mean yeah his mates will tell him what happened in class but that's different! & as for that guy whom we saw was with Mark yesterday...well, it's not really proper to ask about it today right? We're waiting for a few more days. If they meet again we're definitely gonna ask!

* * *

So...Shane's sending me the final version tomorrow + he can return to school on Monday. + that's when Kian won't be at work so I can maybe try it out a bit? Hmm. But I think I still need to be careful because Kian's not looking right these days. Dunno if it's something at the shop because G hasn't told me anything yet. Maybe I'll go ask her a bit?

6 Oct 1995. Fri.

Yeah it's still raining I see that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feeling like rewatching _Skam_!! Evak is way too cute omg.


	53. 7 October 1995

7th Oct 1995. Fine. Sat.

  Mrs Chevalier said that Pat's parents called & asked about their son last evening. She asked if I knew anything since I told them he's hiding something. Well, all I could say was that he told me things that I promised him not to let out, but obviously she's not satisfied with it. But well, the good thing is that she agreed it wasn't a good idea to tell the police.

  We ordered a pizza today & surprise! Mark was spotted meeting the little guy at the crossroad & they chatted for a while! When he came in Liz asked about it & he blushed a little & said it was a friend of his. The boy's name is Kevin, & they met at Kevin's school when Mark was delivering pizza. He seems to like Kevin a lot! But well...we didn't ask too much because they've just known each other anyways. Oh & Shane said he's going to school next Monday.

* * *

So Shane's got me a complete schedule + he's going back to school on Monday. Just hope he can see his old roommate again - or well, maybe he doesn't really wanna see him now? Who knows. G called to day it's ten days till deadline + I think I can finish it one or two days earlier. Sometimes I feel like it's inappropriate to investigate someone in such detail but well...

7th Oct 1995. Sat.

Quite nice.


	54. 8 October 1995

8th Oct 1995. Cloudy in the afternoon. Sun.

  I feel like I should say something about Pat's situation because his parents are coming to the shop & almost scolding Mrs Chevalier but she can do nothing about it since she doesn't know anything. I know things, I can say at this point I know everything they wanna know but I can't tell them, I can't tell anyone because I've promised him I'm keeping this secret. But they are not gonna believe me if I just go & say I know things but Pat asked me to keep them secret. Mrs Chevalier looked so...I don't know, she's not usually like that; she's always got something to keep a smile across her lips but this time when she came back from the 'talk' (shite that's just them yelling at her ok) she's lost it. No I mean yeah I understand them, Pat is their son and damn OF COURSE they're worried & especially when no one says a shit about it & I'm afraid they're also aware that the truth is hidden from them by certain people, for example, me. I told Mrs Chevalier about my situation & she said she understood. I don't know I just feel sort of guilty. No Pat is not a - I mean, he mainly did that for safety reasons. Yeah that's...over reacting, yes. But not too much because they could have all just died.

  Shane's looking quite...excited today? I don't get it. Maybe he's really missing school? No I don't believe it. He never really wanna go to school ok I know him for way too many years to know this. Even if it means he can see Nicky tomorrow - well ok, if with Nicky then maybe it makes sense? But no he could've been back earlier if he really missed him. Heaven knows & I don't really think I should ask.

* * *

Liz called today. It doesn't happen every day does it. So the moment I picked up I was prepared to hear something big but no I never expected it to be so big! I...well, I'm still writing it down here. So the thing is, Pat is gone. For...well since 2nd this month he's gone + no one knows the reason + no one can get in touch with him. + they can't call the police because he might have done something illegal. Man did he kill anyone? Hope he didn't! I don't know him personally but they say he's a nice guy + I remember he was at Liz's birthday party + he looked like a good guy. God bless him.

8th Oct 1995. Sun.

Still fine.


	55. 9 October 1995

9th Oct 1995. Cloudy. Mon.

  Can I say it's probably my worst day ever? Yeah nothing really happened to me but I stayed in worrying about Pat all day & then Shane came back rambling about Nicky being a cheater? I've never ever seen him like this seriously! He just came back & locked himself in the bedroom for like ages & suddenly shouted, 'But either way, it's a trick from the beginning!'

  & of course I walked in & asked, 'Shane? Is everything okay?' Yeah I know for whatever's sake nothing's okay.

  'It's a lie. It's all been a lie.' He just left me this.

  'What happened?' I went on asking.

  'You won't get it.' He threw himself onto the bed, 'He's a liar.'

  & I though, What the fuck is he even talking about? I kind of knew that he would go mad if I asked more but I still went, 'What lie? He's - What do you mean? What's going on? Shane, you gotta let me know!'

  He just sighed & went silent. Well, maybe I really shouldn't have asked. It lasted almost...I don't know, like, one minute? & he finally calmed down & said, 'He's a liar. The ballroom, the single dorm - they're just his excuses! He's just seeking for a way to leave, he's just -'

  I decided not to let him continue because this was getting worse. 'But why?' I asked, 'Calm yourself. Why is he leaving?'

  'I don't know.'

  'You went to find him?'

  'Yeah, and he's not in the whatever fucking single dorm! He never was!'

  'The old one -'

  'No, he's not there. Someone else is in now. I don't really know them.'

  'So you mean he's -' Also gone?

  'I've looked for him everywhere I could think of and he just wasn't there. I don't even think...I don't even think he's still in the college.'

  'Maybe he's just gone to the training hall or something.' I knew their little possibility that he actually was there but I doubted if Shane knew what happened. Obviously he didn't. & he still doesn't.

  'Then how do you explain the single dorm thing? I asked a guy there and he said there ain't ever been any empty single room.' Shane took a deep breath, 'I tell you, Kian, he's just NOT IN THE COLLEGE. Believe me, I've asked my friends and his friends and the professors and they hadn't seen him for days. I just didn't go ask the principle.'

  'Have you asked the ballroom dancers?'

  'I've called Carl - the director - and his phone was off. I don't have others' numbers.'

  I suddenly remembered something. 'Then what do all these posters mean? It's said that the ballroom would premier soon in...in some theatre, I forgot.'

  'He's just gone! He's -'

  Well okay he's being like that again. 'No, Shane. Don't be emotional. I think you should call the police.' I meant calling the police to look for Carl; he's an easier one. 'It's getting a bit complicated.'

  'No. I'm not sure if involving the Gardaí will do more good than bad - Whattaya mean "complicated"?'

  'I don't deny that he lied to you. But I don't think it's just an excuse to get away.'

  'Then what is it?'

  I didn't even know how to explain to avoid being yelled at. 'You just...It's not like an excuse for...say, an excuse for being late or for a day off or something. It's...I don't know how to explain it, but it's not a simple excuse.'

  'You mean he's got a bigger plan behind it and it's just step one?'

  Jeez. 'Come on, Shane! Would you just stop thinking that he's cheating on you?'

  'Then what has he been doing?'

  I was almost giving up. Then it suddenly hit me that it's Nicky's birthday today. Shane's told me this & he also even marked it on the calendar. 'You just - I'm just telling you that this may not be that simple. You don't even know why he's leaving or where he's going. And no one in the whole college knows where he's been these days. They just know he's gone. So that means he hasn't told anyone about that whatsoever fucking "plan" you were talking about. And the ballroom dance - the whole cast and crew disappeared, and I guess it won't premier ever. If he has been cheating, then he hasn't only been cheating on you. He's been cheating on everyone. And okay, maybe we can call that a plan.' I finished all these before he could interrupt.

  & yeah it worked. I left him alone & went out. & damn I saw Brian out there. The moment I saw him he walked away. Heaven knows what he's doing again I don't even care. If Pat doesn't appear tomorrow - well I sort of am already prepared for the worst & sort of already know how bad it can be - if he still doesn't appear tomorrow I'm gonna break my promise & tell someone. Mrs Chevalier first, I think.

* * *

It's getting weird I wanted to go check on Kian but this is getting weird. I heard talking & just walked to the rear window to see if they're alright & I'm afraid I've heard something. Well I'll try to forget about it because apparently I'm not supposed to know. But Kian looked really upset & then he saw me there by the window so I just left real quick. Gosh it must looked like I was avoiding him. Well ok I was at that moment. Omg what have I done. Almost finished the damn game thing.

9th Oct 1995. Mon.

I bet it's raining again tomorrow.


	56. 10 October 1995

10th Oct 1995. Rain. Tue.

  I told Mrs Chevalier that Pat might have killed a man with some other people & now he's gone & lost contact with everyone. I didn't tell her the details & I'm not writing them down here. She didn't say anything, but at least I don't think she's gonna call the police. Pat's parents just came once but I don't know how she's gonna explain to them if they ever come again. Just hope he's still alive. To my surprise Shane went to college as usual this morning. Well I guess it's time for him to prepare a bit for the Christmas party? He mentioned once that he's singing something with his band. Oh & this evening when I returned, Brian was just walking out & he asked me what happened yesterday. I said it was a long story & mainly about Shane, & he asked if it was about Nicky. Obviously Shane told him about it. So I let him in & told him the whole story. But then he asked about Pat. Liz called him & said Pat was gone for days so he wanted to know what happened. 'I can only tell you that I know a few things, but I can't tell you because I've promised not to let it out.' He frowned, so I added, 'Yeah okay I've already broke my word because I told Mrs Chevalier, but she got scolded by Pat's parents that day because she couldn't give them a reason for their son's absence. She needs to know something, even not in detail.' So Brian just changed the topic & sat for a while & left. But so what the fuck did he came out of the house for? Just to ask me what happened?

* * *

So this is interesting! Walked out on 7:35pm according to the schedule + met Ki, + I asked, 'Are you alright? Something happened?' + I expected him to be surprised + wonder why I'd ask, but he just said it's a long story about Shane. I thought, well, could it be his roommate? + he proved me right + invited me in! He didn't even ask why I walked out on this rainy evening! So basically it's that Shane thought Nicky really had moved to a single room but no he didn't + no one knows where he is now. + about Pat...he refused to tell me anything. He said he promised Pat not to tell anyone + he told Mrs Chevalier because she needed to know at least a bit of it. So okay, I'm not gonna ask. Just chatted about some nonsense + left.

10th Oct 1995. Tue.

Raining.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so...my parents mentioned divorce, great. Sorry I shouldn't say it here but well, it just happened just now I just need to write it down somewhere so I don't feel too much about it.


	57. 11 October 1995

11th Oct 1995. Rain. Wed.

  Gosh gosh gosh Pat called today! It's probably a phonebox because it's a strange number but he called HE'S ALIVE! He called the shop I guess for safety reasons. He said he's got no time to talk too much at the time but he's gonna tell us the details later. & he said not to tell his parents yet. Well...? But he's still alive & sounds okay! Wait for the next call. Told him that I still said a few things to Mrs Chevalier but he didn't blame me for it. Yeah that's great.

* * *

Ki broke in + shouted at me that Pat was alive + I was just on the phone with G so she heard it too + screamed + I almost went deaf! Jesus. But thank God he's fine! Uh...maybe not very fine but at least he can make a phone call + say he's alive. Yeah that's not bad already. + finished almost all the work!

11th Oct 1995. Wed.

Screw this rain.


	58. 12 October 1995

12th Oct 1995. Sunny. Thu.

  Pat made a second call today during lunch break & talked about the whole thing. No he didn't go into details because that's still not so safe at this moment, but he said a few things that he's told me previously & a few other things. First, they killed a man, yes, but he's not telling the name. He was with the crew & everyone's fine except Nicky. They've lost contact with him. They arrived in the UK yesterday, & before that they got caught by the dead's family but was helped out by some people that he refused to talk about. & after arriving in the UK they were separated with each other since the dead's family could still be searching for them. They were trying to get in touch with Nicky & the guys who helped them out were looking for him. So basically it's that they got helped by some people & are relatively safe now. But he's not returning to Ireland before Christmas. He said he's got somewhere to go but it's not safe to say it out loud. Well anyways he's fine & he's got somewhere to go that's good enough! He was in a phonebox & couldn't stay for long, so we hung up soon. Oh & he's calling his parents this evening.

  Told Shane just now that they're looking for Nicky but currently no one can get in touch with him. He didn't say anything just thanked me. So I asked how's the Christmas party & he said he's probably gonna do some songs with the band. Great.

* * *

Heard Ki calling Shane this evening saying things about Pat. Didn't try to listen but he's talking so loud! Anyways...G has told me enough when I sent her the last few changes. Thank God he's not dead or caught! He's not gonna come back to work - he's not even coming back to Ireland before the year ends but he's got places to go. But I should really talk to him about breaking into people's house without warning...no my point is I remember I locked the door okay!

12th Oct 1995. Thu.

Not so bad, some sun.


	59. 13 October 1995

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First Black Friday of 2017!

13th Oct 1995. Sunny. Fri.

  Black Friday omg. But well...nothing VERY bad happened? Yet? Okay great. Shouldn't be hoping for it. &...well, nothing much happened. Gab asked me how I was gonna spend Christmas & I said I was going back to Sligo. He's Dubliner so he can just stay here, so he offered to look after the shop during the few days before Christmas because by then many will be home. Oh my he's really so nice!

* * *

Suddenly got nothing to do + just slept all day. Yeah maybe it's time to pick up my old songs that I haven't yet finished. Off for some music in midnight, ha!

13th Oct 1995. Fri.

Jeez didn't realise it's Black Friday until I wrote down the date + day!


	60. 14 October 1995

14th Oct 1995. Sunny. Sat.

  Damn Shane locked himself in the bedroom & not answering his call for ages! Mrs Onion went mad again about it I'm not recording the ridiculous conversation again. & I've got to stop my music to let him answer the stupid call - it's Derrick, his bandmate - & he's gone out now. They were to discuss things about the Christmas party I guess. & I think he shouted to me not to wait him for dinner before he left? So it means I can play all evening? Cool.

  Spotted Lilien around today & asked him how's Mark because we haven't seen him for a few days. He's actually in charge of this block so this is a bit unusual. Lilien said he didn't know for sure what he's been doing these days but there hasn't been feedback saying he wasn't doing his job or what. But yeah, he mentioned Kevin. Lilien said that Kevin was a kid that Mark has recently met & he's really fond of him, like, they became close friends rather quickly. He even saw them in a gay bar quite far away from here one night! This sounds interesting.

* * *

Kian is playing his songs + he started an hour ago. Heaven knows when he's gonna stop! But anyways I've got no much work to do these days so yeah, who cares. Shane went out around half past seven, but I don't know if he's coming back very soon + it seems kinda weird that I go knock on his door right after Shane's left - that looks like I've been watching him right? So I guess I'm not going over today.

14th Oct 1995. Sat.

Can't believe it's been sunny for three days?!


	61. 15 October 1995

15th Oct 1995. Rain. Sun.

  Shane played their new songs to me just now & they're brilliant! Gonna somehow get a ticket to the Christmas party. & he talked about a girl he saw at the Viscount Lounge! He said she's got beautiful blue eyes, long blonde hair & was really elegant & had got that fragrance around her. She even gave him a look! But well, pity that he didn't go talk with her because she's been reading. & his bandmates said that they saw her with two other boys outside & they were close. Well then, shall I let Gill know this?

  Lilien came over again during lunch break & said that he saw Mark with Kevin again outside another gay bar last night! Great. & Joc dropped by just to take a look.

* * *

G asked me to help her fix the database since she knows that I'm way more than boring these days. Okay then. So that she can go off for a little holiday with Liz next week. I don't know why next week? Anyways...oh maybe they're engaging? That sounds nice. Anyways fuck that database. Gonna get it done in three days I think + then do something else like...writing a song?

15th Oct 1995. Sun.

Shite it's raining again.


	62. 16 October 1995

16th Oct 1995. Sunny. Mon.

  If Brian hadn't come over I wouldn't even have realised it's been two months since I moved in! Anyways...he just came in around tea time. & he called for a pizza & some other snacks & yeah, it's Lilien again. He said Mark's been doing really well recently but he's been busy with another few blocks. He thought that's where Kevin lives. Well, that makes sense, doesn't it. I mean, there's of course the possibility that they're just friends (even though I don't think ordinary friends will go to gay bars together?), but c'mon let's hope for something big okay! Hmm maybe when the big new finally come I'm inviting them in for a party or something. He's gonna like it right I mean Mark. He doesn't look like a party person but he loves singing & all that so yeah he's gonna love my sort of parties because that's what I like the best at parties too. Oh & this is a long sentence isn't it. Lilien had some tea & left since he's taken over Mark's blocks these days. But he's a really funny guy & he reminds me of Gab!

  Heard Brian say that G & Liz were on holiday together this week. How sweet!

  Mrs Onion didn't forget this day either so...it's just me? She sent over a little box of cupcakes this time & sat for a while rambling about U2. She's leaving for Christmas in November because her grandson wanna see her. Well so she's probably gonna miss the lighting ceremonies.

* * *

Two months since Ki moved in + he didn't even know it! Gosh this kid. Lilien is in charge of this area recently but I don't know where Mark has been. He said Mark's being with another guy called Kevin? Cool then. So...some day maybe a double date with G + Liz? That's gonna be great even I don't know him very well. But well, G can become friends with anyone in ten minutes. Mark's usually around the shop so they know him better. But he's got a BRILLIANT voice I remember that!

G's obviously been enjoying her holiday with Liz because she's not even calling me. Anyways I won't be done with the database in a few days I'm afraid because I don't really feel like working on it. Okay I gotta work on it. G hasn't even told me where exactly they're going! She just said Northern Europe but damn where? Waiting for their photos.

16th Oct 1995. Mon.

Sunny again.


	63. 17 October 1995

17th Oct 1995. Cloudy. Tue.

  So...yeah Joc came over & asked about Pat. I don't know he must have known it from Mrs Chevalier but he asked. & I said he's fine & wondered why he would suddenly ask. He said he just thought of it. Well then. Heaven knows what he's thinking of. So I also told him he's not coming back this year because he's in danger now & he can't appear on this land. He seemed to understand & mentioned J. Gosh he still remembers that? Should that be a month ago?! But well I still called J & asked if he's got time to get together. He at first said he's pretty busy recently but when I said Joc wanna see him he immediately said yes. Well then. He said 7pm at my place will do & it's almost now. Shane's rehearsing late so it doesn't matter.

* * *

Ki brought two guys home today?! Two guys I've never seen before?! Gosh this is interesting. Guess Shane's coming home late today or not coming back at all. + actually...to be honest, the little guy with blonde curly hair + light blue eyes is pretty cute, yeah. The other one I think I've seen him somewhere but well, he may just looks like someone else. Fuck the database.

17th Oct 1995. Tue.

Sort of like it's gonna rain but not really + I hate this weather.


	64. 18 October 1995

18th Oct 1995. Cloudy. Wed.

  7pm last night J knocked on the door. Yeah that's him. & with Joc. J said he picked him up from the shop. & yeah J started rambling about Boyzone & Joc liked them too! Ooh this is interesting. His fav member is Steo I guessed right. But well cmon who doesn't like him he's so nice & amazing! He looked much more comfortable than in the shop & he didn't blush so much. Yeah that's more like a guy of his age. I don't know what J probably had said to him on their way here but he must have helped him got through something. That time when he first came to the shop, he was like he wanted to talk to people but didn't dare, & when we spoke to him, he'd listen very attentively & pick words to respond, if he felt he really really needed to, very cautiously. Maybe it's about the things that happened at school; I've always doubted whether it WAS him who did all those bad things. No I didn't & am not gonna ask no ofc I'm not interested in these details. & Joc seems to...like J a lot? & vice versa? & I stress this because J talked Mrs Chevalier into letting him take Joc home last night because Joc somehow implied that he wanted to. That was the first time they actually met okay. No I'm not overthinking.

  Shane will be rehearsing late these days & coming home around 8 or so. Why do I even start a new paragraph for this.

* * *

Shane's been coming home rather late these days. Done with the database + one thing I didn't say yesterday. The two guys Ki brought home last evening left together at around 10. Yeah of course Shane's back by then. Getting bored these days + I think I'm gonna make some more music? Seriously nothing to write about.

18th Oct 1995. Wed.

It didn't rain.


	65. 19 October 1995

19th October 1995. Shower. Thu.

  Finally...got nothing much to write? Don't know how's J & Joc doing because Joc didn't come to the shop today. & Mrs Chevalier didn't say anything either & she looked nice. Joc's entering another school next semester. & Liz & Genevieve will be coming back in a few days I think.

* * *

Very few times that I go out in the evening to have some fun + I met Mark with another guy called Kevin. Okay cool very good because they were together about to enter a gay bar I forgot which. + he seriously still remember me! I mean when the night falls you can't really see people clearly. I just directly asked if they were together + Kevin said yes! Gosh I used a joking tone. But okay...? So they're together. I'm not telling Ki or G or Liz or Lilien about. It's gonna be a lot more craic to let them find out themselves right.

19th Oct 1995. Thu.

Oh yes G + Liz are coming back on Saturday. Rained today finally.


	66. 20 October 1995

20th Oct 1995. Cloudy. Fri.

  Heard Brian say G & Liz are coming back tomorrow. He went out this evening again & there's something funny about him - I mean especially this time because yes of course there's always somthing funny about him. I don't know what happened but something must have happened & it's something good. But no I didn't ask because I know he's not gonna tell me. If he really wanna share he'd just say it. But...I asked about Joc today. Just indirectly, while chatting with Mrs Chevalier I just mentioned him. & she said he's been extra happy after coming back from J's last morning. He didn't really tell her much about what we did or what he & J did; he just said that J made cocktails which was very nice. Okay then...?

* * *

Gosh I hope I didn't let it out that Mark + Kevin are together? Went out + met Ki + told him that G + Liz were returning tomorrow but I don't think he's focusing much on that. He's been staring at me like I looked very funny + I guess I probably did? Yeah I know I've been really excited about Mark + Kevin being together even though I don't really know either of them very well. I actually wanted to ask him about the two guys that went into his door + came out together the night before, but he looked like he's got other things to do so I stopped there. G won't receive the mail before tomorrow so I've got some time to relax.

20th Oct 1995. Fri.

Still cloudy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay yes 'J made cocktails' is from 'Magnus made cocktails' in Shadowhunters S1.


	67. 21 October 1995

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arrived in Paris! And my left index finger hurts damn.

21st Oct 1995. Cloudy. Sat.

  Welcome back G & Liz! Obviously they had a super good time because J hasn't stopped talking about it. They went to Cape Town & exchanged their house here with another couple. It was near Round House. Oh and, another lesbian couple, & the bed was amazing, noted G. Liz was speechless. & yes of course we all noticed the rings on their middle fingers okay! From Wednesday to Friday they camped in Table Mountain National Park. & certainly, since the house was already pretty close to the shore they spent most of the rest of the time on the beach so everyone pretty much knew what had happened. They haven't yet decided the date of the wedding but knowing that there will be one is already so brilliant! 

  & what's more, Mark passed the shop today with Kevin! With Kevin okay! Gab went out & called them in since neither of them were busy & since we were celebrating G & Liz's engagement. Then Mark & Kevin looked at each other. No it's not because they didn't know what was going on or what; it's that kind of look. I bet they're together! Gab thinks so too. G mentioned going on a double date & glanced at them & I think they noticed. But didn't comment! They just smiled so yay?

* * *

G's back + thanked me more than a thousand times for fixing the database for her. But cmon they're engaged! This is more than anything right?! Screw the database. They went to Cape Town + went camping in Table Mountain. + the beach, yes of course. + they finally know Mark + Kevin are together?

21st Oct 1995. Sat.

No sun. Shite.


	68. 22 October 1995

22nd Oct 1995. Sunny. Sun.

  Sun on Sunday is that a rule or what. Anyways Shane isn't staying in; he wasn't yesterday but I've been too used to working on weekend that I didn't really realise it was weekend & he should have been home. Right. & Brian seems to like going out on evenings a lot recently? Met him again when I returned & he asked about Mark. Weird isn't it. I said yeah he's fine he's doing well with Kevin too, & Brian seemed to have known it a long time ago?! He went, 'So you finally discovered that!' Does that mean Mark & K had told him? So he actually knows them? Gosh these kids.

* * *

Am I meeting Ki a bit too often these days? Probably I am, yeah. There's doubt in his eyes. But he knows M + K are together + he didn't look surprised or what. + G said that she mentioned a double date yesterday + they didn't look like rejecting. So that's it? Maybe one day a double date? Already looking forward to the wedding!

22nd Oct 1995. Sun.

Yep, real sun.


	69. 23 October 1995

23rd Oct 1995. A little rain. Mon.

  Thank God I don't need to go to work today. It's gonna be terrible! Poor Shane's got school. He came back & rushed straight to the fireplace so you know how bad this weather is. Suddenly realising it's been a while since he stopped talking about Nicky. & been a while since there's been no news of Pat. Garry's coming back for Christmas & hopefully St Paddy's if that's during their Spring vacation. Anyways people celebrate it in Chicago too so it's still not too bad. & Sean may come back with him for a while! Oh I really wanna meet him.

* * *

Rain...no I wanna sleep.

23rd Oct 1995. Mon.

Leaving the work for tomorrow because rainy days are supposed to be slept off.


	70. 24 October 1995

24th Oct 1995. Cloudy. Tue.

  Wtf Brian asked me out. Just, like, 'You're up for a drink?' & well...yeah I said yes. There's no excuse to refuse right? We went to the holly brook & had a few shots, nothing much happened. We talked about almost everything, music, the shop, his work, my old roommates, & he told me that - of course when he's kind of drunk - he saw Mark & K the other day outside a gay bar & asked if they were together. Gosh he can't just ask like that! It must have sounded so weird. He then asked me who were the two guys that went into my house the day before & I knew he's talking about J & Joc so I told him. He agreed that Joc was cute, yes he is definitely. Then he randomly asked if I liked Joc, but well, I didn't feel like he sounded as random as the question was. I like Joc yes of course isn't that already obvious? I like J too & J likes Joc too but he didn't ask about any others. I just...can't stop wondering if he's really into the shy little guy. He's getting on really well with J & that's very nice at this moment. I don't know what would happen if there comes up Brian besides them. But there's another rather...I don't know, special thing? That we kissed goodbye? I mean on the cheek. Gosh what the heck am I thinking of. Wish it didn't show at that moment.

* * *

Oh my God oh my God I asked Ki out + he just so easily said yes!? Not even like it's real but now I've already come back + clearheaded + I remember saying goodbye with a bisou. The point is, I don't even remember what we talked about. I know there's something about music, his shop, his life before moving here, + then I just have no memory of the rest. I seriously wonder how I just walked back home! The holly brook isn't far, but I must have been drunk + walked home. I remember him mentioning a guy called Joc, a shy little teenage boy, the son of his boss - it's Mrs Chevalier isn't it? He talked a lot about him. Yes, + he's one of the guys that went to his place the other day.

Feeling slightly guilty for sleeping all day yesterday + not writing much.

24th Oct 1995. Tue.

Cloudy.


	71. 25 October 1995

25th Oct 1995. A bit of rain in the morning & sunny in the afternoon. Wed.

  Two months to Christmas! Thank God Brian didn't go out this evening or I'd risk coming across him again. That's gonna be really awkward. Nothing much really happened today, Mrs Chevalier wore a new scarf which was fantastic because it's pink. Bright pink. No I don't really mean it's fantastic. Time to begin picking a Christmas film I guess.

* * *

  Shite Kian came home early?! I went out again this evening + his lights were already on. Should have been a few minutes earlier! Was just wondering how he would react to the bisou yesterday. Well...just doing all the same things today + kind of boring. + can't go travel around. + can't play music at midnight. Right then hope it ends after this year. Well no I'm not actually really supposed to complain about this. Seems like it rained a bit this morning? The ground was wet when I woke up.

25 Oct 1995. Wed.

Whoa two months to Xmas!


	72. 26 October 1995

26th Oct 1995. Sunny. Thu.

  No no no Brian went out again today no! Okay & of course he caught me halfway but just talked about weather & left. Yeah he must have been feeling awkward too. Garry called to say he & Sean would be back one week before Christmas. Sean is staying over for a week before returning to Chicago. Oh yes got to meet him! But I doubt if we're going to be too busy the week before Christmas. I should be planning about going back to Sligo too.

* * *

Ha gotcha. He blushed yes he didn't even know but he blushed. The moment he saw me. Just talked about rain + nothing more + didn't tell him that I was out yesterday at this time too. He looked happy so something happened? Sort of missing the days when I sent him nonsense everyday. No not again of course that's stupid. He hasn't ever asked so that's good. No I can't mention it. G told me that Mrs Chevalier wore a bright pink scarf now. Oops.

26th Oct 1995. Thu.

Nice but a bit of wind.


	73. 27 October 1995

27th Oct 1995. Sunny. Fri.

  Didn't even realise it's Friday...Obviously more people these days but it's obviously not yet the busiest time of the year. Suddenly missing home. Well it's weird because I've been living in Dubin for so long already. Well, I guess Garry feels the same in Chicago? Like, you like everything in this city, you're glad that you get to live here eventually, but there's something that's always not enough, that always makes you wanna go home. Not even because of the crappy weather.

  A little kid went into the shop with her mam today & she pointed at Mrs Chevalier's pink scarf & said, 'It's so funny!' Well. We tried very hard to comfort Mrs Chevalier later on.

* * *

Tried out a few new tunes...I think I should start doing something better than just writing the codes everyday. Next spring I think I'm going somewhere, America, Australia, I don't know. But I should get away for a while I've been staying in Dublin for more than 20 years. Not that Dublin is not good, but it's kind of boring that you see the same city everyday. Well, food first.

27th Oct 1995. Fri!

Nice blue sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just saw Dayl tweeted didn't realise it was Friday so I just...okay.


	74. 28 October 1995

28th Oct 1995. Cloudy. Sat.

  So. This thing.Spotted a guy in black walking around my house this morning. Then he saw me & he walked away. It's a pretty young boy, about 16 or so. I wanted to call him but he just left so fast even though when you looked at him you felt like he wasn't even hurrying. Then in the evening I never saw him again. People always walk around, that's normal because I didn't really put up a fence or what, but he didn't look normal. No, I mean, he's a normal boy but he looked like he's escaping from me. Wait could he be the messenger? No stop. NO. Even though he's very pretty for a boy & if it was him I'd not be very furious. But it can't because they sounded to much like a girl. & if he sent messages why he appeared now but not earlier. Anyways this doesn't make sense. Whether he is the messenger this doesn't make sense.

  Oh &, Mrs Chevalier took off her pink scarf & put it around Gab's neck & it turned out to be very surprisingly nice. God this guy is just amazing.

* * *

Ki's been searching around his house when he came back - not really walking around with a torchlight or stuff but he's sort off checking things out. Like he's looking for something. But I've got no idea what it could be + I decided not to go out + ask because that would look like I've been watching him which he definitely would not like. Met Mrs A c this afternoon. I didn't go out of course; it was she passed by + said hi by the window + chatted a bit, just nonsense like how her new cake recipe was. Well interesting that I've never actually been to her sweetshop despite having lived here for some 2 years?

28th Oct 1995. Sat.

Cloudy but clear at night.


	75. 29 October 1995

29th Oct 1995. Shower. Sun.

  Shane suddenly asked if I'd like to go to the Halloween party in Derrick's appartment! Does it look like I can go? Man it's on Tuesday right I've gotta work. & I don't really celebrate Halloween very much...because Mrs O'Flaherty didn't like it, yeah that's mostly it. Finn didn't either but no one cared. J actually loved costumes & all, & there were a few times that he dragged me to other parties but most of the time I still just let it pass. Not that I hate it though. A large part of the reason why I didn't accept lots of the party invitations from J was that he enjoyed crossdressing way too much & wanted me to do the same. No way man.

  But that doesn't really change the fact that they decorated the shop a week ago. It's actually...a bit late. Some people began a month earlier. But seriously, when you put the decorations on it means that the sales should begin too right? That's not a very good idea. Yes every shop wanna earn more let's face it. I love discounts but not those of my own shop.

* * *

La la laaaaa lalaaa guess what this is. Yep a new song. Title not sure yet, maybe _Real To Me_? Whatever just that. Not too bad. Now it's between releasing it as a single or in an album for which I have not yet write more than 5 songs. Been some time I haven't sung in pubs + I still can't now. I'm afraid I'll have to wait until next spring. Shit I really hate this kind of daily work. + you can't even complain about it. This money is more than enough but it's not the point! + I feel like this will never come to an end + sort of really wish it goes wrong + crashes + all. Okay stop.

29th Oct 1995. Sun.

Rained a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It seriously showered in Paris! Not the kind that needs an umbrella.


	76. 30 October 1995

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally watched _La La Land_ and it was amazing! And 33 is so nice she just makes me smile! Still raining in Paris.

30th Oct 1995. Shower. Mon.

  Shane's going to the Halloween party tomorrow & he's been extra excited this morning & even got up a bit earlier than me. He said he dressing up like Michael Jackson. Well no offense but I'm just saying that Michael is pretty tall, you know. But if he's gonna also do the dancing then it's very cool. The weird man in black hasn't appeared again & I've got no idea about this whole thing. Brian was playing tunes in the evening...he's definitely wrote them, they just sounded like the things that come out from him. & still no offense but it's funny.

* * *

Sort of put away the work + tried out the complete version of _Real To Me_. Well let's just call it that I'm too lazy for a name. Just...it's not so well when it just began. I mean, probably I've wrote the tunes too difficult for the guitar + bass that I need a lot of practice to make sure I don't have to pause + find the right string or something. Why am I even so hard on myself. + I'm clearly aware that Ki heard all of that because he didn't go out. + luckily he didn't come + knock my door to yell at me to stop either, which was actually pretty nice.

What's with Shane coming back looking so happy though? I know - yeah I've just sort of realised - that tomorrow is Halloween but it's tomorrow! He should be happy next morning but not so much now! Anyways...kind of wanna drop by the shop tomorrow to see what they've got for Halloween.

30th Oct 1995. Mon.

I really don't know. Maybe still raining or cloudy.


	77. 31 October 1995

31st Oct 1995. Shower all day. Mon.

  So their party had to stay indoor but Shane still came back looking very happy. In his MJ costume. Doing the moonwalk along the doorway. Yeah he's sort of crazy & I bet half-drunk. & I bet next morning when he wakes up he'll be rambling all about it to me. Yeah that's what he always does. Last time he went to another guy's birthday party & got drunk a little & one of his brothers picked him up, & then the next day at school, he dragged me off the seat during every break & told me everything about the party. Then that day I met his brother - the one who picked him up - & he said he talked about it nonstop to them as well. Okay I got this.

  There's actually no point in Halloween sales because, you think a lot of people will come to a normal clothes shop on Halloween day?

* * *

HALLOWEEN! But well I just went out to the pubs in the evening. Went to the shop this afternoon but Ki's not there. They said he's gone to the supermarket. Well then, so I chatted with them a bit + told them not to bother telling Ki I've been here. They weren't celebrating it very much anyways. Of course not, they're just an ordinary shop. But Liz said she + G are going to the party in another friend's house. Seriously just look at the expression on her face. She's so happy with her. Dunno how's M + K doing though. + Lilien, it's been a while since I haven't seen him. There's a kid called Gabriel in the shop + they call him Gab. Well he's really lovely + he can paint + tell those jokes in poker face while you're laughing like a doofus.

31st Oct 1995. Mon.

Rain. Nonstop.


	78. 1 November 1995

1 Nov 1995. Sunny. Tue.

  Hello November! Sunny day is really a nice beginning. Lilien is off today because he still celebrates Toussaint. It's getting to look like Christmas every year at this time & O'Connor Street already has lights hung up. Wonder who's gonna be there at the concert this year. So since Lilien is off we got to see Mark, & eventually he told us that he's probably staying in the UK a bit at K's home. Oh yes this is great. Liz said they wanna have the wedding next late spring or early summer, around April or May. Suddenly remembered that Pat hasn't called for a while but okay maybe he just can't. He said he's got somewhere to stay so let's just pray. Oh &, Gab actually sort of likes the pink scarf?

* * *

G dropped by to say that some other guys wanna collaborate but they're in Galway. No that's too far. Even though I'd actually like to take a look at Galway. Ordered a pizza + initially I expected to see Lilien but it was M. No I mean it's also great. He said Lilien's got a day off because it's Toussaint, a holiday they've got in France but because Lilien is actually French, so he still got a day off. + I asked about K + he said they've been well, + that he's spending some time in K's house this Christmas holiday. Oh that's...so sweet. When will G's wedding be though?

1 Nov 1995. Tue.

Lovely weather for the first day of November!


	79. 2 November 1995

2nd Nov 1995. Rain. Wed.

  Suddenly looking forward to Christmas. For no reason. & Shane came home & offered to cook - it was always me - & I just shouldn't have agreed! Yeah he said pasta with cheese & that WAS pasta & cheese, but man it's not like that okay?! Not just put pasta & cheese together & microwave for 5 minutes! 2-minute internals at least please?! Oh he added milk. Thank God he's not cooking everything dry. But yeah he still burnt it. Like fried cheese & pasta. Anyway...I added some chili so it tasted at least eatable. & he's never let into the kitchen again. Never. & I should tell this story to Gab because he cooks so well.

* * *

Heard Shane + Ki shouting in the house...? Not like they're angry but they're shouting. + since I could hear it's pretty loud already. Just opened the curtains to take a sneak peak + didn't see anything. Loving avocados for breakfast these days, despite that they get everything sticky. + again I'm probably not supposed to say this but it's diary so I guess it's still okay. Christmas is near, so it means that this dull work I'm doing is gonna end soon. Not that it's difficult or something, it's just boring. If they're being true to me, then this isn't a bad thing to do, + that's why I accepted it in the first place. But it's after all in a way illegal. It is. + they told me to keep it a secret. I don't think writing it in my diary is letting it out? Because when people find this diary + read this, it sure would have ended long before. + I'm not even sure if this crap will ever be found + read.

2nd Nov 1995. Wed.

Rained all day it seems?


	80. 3 November 1995

3rd Nov 1995. Rainy & damn cold. Thu.

  Rain in November is not nice at all. Not that it will become ice but it's even worse than that. Just because it's still in water form so it still absorb the heat from the air. Shite. Okay not too bad because there's no wind which means at least you can hold and umbrella.

  & yes I told Gab about Shane's cooking yesterday & he was like laughing so hard that he almost fell over. & then everyone knew. Yeah, I've foreseen that. Telling Gab means telling everyone. But c'mon it's just so funny okay? Hmm maybe not. Right. Anyway he's not gonna cook anymore. No way. & then when we were all laughing, the door was opened & Liz automatically said 'Hello may I help you', & then it turned out it was Joc! He apparently just ran out from home & came here because he was all wet with no umbrella. He said there's a football match next Friday afternoon at O'Connell Secondary School, the school which he, so luckily, will attend the upcoming semester in spring. & he's got a buddy there who's in the school team & they'll be against St Vincent, & he asked if we'd like to go & watch. Yeah of course why not. Just close the shop for one afternoon won't be bad. Notice put up on the front door. & Joc said I could take Shane too if he wanted to. Yes certainly he's crazy for football.

* * *

Shane went over this evening. Well this is not often. He said he & Ki were going to the match between O'Connell Secondary & St Vincent's Secondary next Friday afternoon & asked if I was going too. Well yeah, why not. Just...afternoon? I'll have to get up a bit early then. He said a bunch of other people from the shop were going. & Joc will be there too because a friend of his is in team O'Connell. I bet G will go too because Liz will never not ask her, & she will never not agree.

3rd Nov 1995. Thu.

Still raining.


	81. 4 November 1995

4th Nov 1995. Sunny in the morning & cloudy again now. Fri.

  Gawd Shane asked Brian to go to the match last evening. Not that it's bad though, it just...took me by surprise. & suddenly wonder if J will be there? Because Joc? & I should probably stop eating salt & vinegar chips for a while. I'm afraid I'll get sick of it if I go on like this. Shane just can't understand why I love salt & vinegar flavour so much because he hates it. He says ketchup is classic. The REAL classic, he says. Okay I'm not gonna argue on that.

  Went out with Brian again in the evening. He's been writing songs recently & I asked why he didn't go sing in pubs or something, & he said he's got work. Okay then? I didn't know he's actually quite busy. But he didn't really say what kind of work it was so I didn't ask either. I agreed to help with backing vocals if he needs.

* * *

It's so good to finally have something short-term to look forward to. I called G to ask her if there's anything new to do, + she said she's still searching. There're a few good contracts but not in Dublin.

Asked Ki out this evening + he loved fresh Merlot? Interesting. When I said I've been writing songs, he immediately came up with the question I actually sort of fear the most. He asked why I didn't sing them. In pubs, like. I actually didn't really know how to answer. I remember I said I've got work + I couldn't go out often, & thank God he just stopped there. That's one thing I really like about him, that he doesn't ask things non-stop. + he agreed that if I needs backing vocals he can do them. That's gonna be great fun.

Waiting for G's news tomorrow.

4th Nov 1995. Fri.

Cloudy + a bit cold but didn't rain.


	82. 5 November 1995

5th Nov 1995. Sun! Sat.

  Well Brian said he'd like me to do backing vocals but he didn't say it's right the next day?! So yeah sadly I have to say I can't today because I'm just staying late in the shop this evening. Just this evening. Promised I'd go to rehearse on Monday. The song was called...called what? _Real For Me_ or something? Whatever. Just a bit of backing vocals. I seriously haven't done backing vocals before so yeah, it's gonna be fun.

  Andy was here again & she was picking up Gab to some party thingy. She said Gab's a brilliant dancer & singer! Gotta let him show that some day.

* * *

So Ki's got work at the shop + he can't make it back early so rehearsals on Monday. It's actually no big deal but...yeah maybe I was just talking a bit too fast + he probably thought I was angry. Oh God no. I'm feeling so bad now. I should prepare a breakfast to make it up. Not chips again. I mean serious breakfast aka dinner.

G said KotN would like to continue the contract with KotN II which has already got a plan. So yeah why not. She said I'd have a call tomorrow at around 4pm. She especially picked this time for me because they actually asked 10am. Aww she's really really nice.

5th Nov 1995. Sat.

Sunny + warm.


	83. 6 November 1995

6th Nov 1995. Still sunny. Sun.

  Suddenly getting a little nervous about tomorrow's rehearsal with Brian...okay whatever. Liz asked Gab about dancing & singing the moment she arrived this morning & Gab was like, what? & then he turned red! Oh he's so adorable. & she just kept begging him to dance & sing a bit so he did a bit of Irish dances & sang _On Raglan Road_ during lunch break.  & yes of course because he promised this little performance for lunch break we called a pizza & yes it's Mark this time. But he couldn't stay for too long because he's gotta go meet K. He said he's delivering the takeaway but who knows. Anyways Gab was just amazing! Like he could do everything & he's just so cool & has got that kind of distant & slightly sad voice which was very nice.

* * *

Contrast will be continued yes I got the call. They'll start next month which is a bit too long waiting but it's okay for me. Just one more boring month + I'll have things to do. The pay is not bad, 5000€ per month. It's more than enough. I don't buy so many clothes + bracelets so yeah, that's more than enough. Singing with Ki tomorrow, ooh!

6th Nov 1995. Sun.

Nice bright weather!


	84. 7 November 1995

7th Nov 1995. Cloudy. Mon.

  Rehearsals for _Real To Me_. Sorry I even forgot the name of the song. Anyway it was pretty good despite that the lyrics are a bit awkward. But it's Brian so anything is not awkward. He called me to come over at around 4pm so I just went out for a walk in the morning. He's got a room set up like a studio, unlike me just stuffing things everywhere.  & the backing vocals are mostly low notes so it's no much pressure. The piano intro was so beautiful! He gave me the complete sheet music so I'm gonna learn it. He said I've got a really good bass voice but okay, I truly never sing like that for my own songs. Never. I mean, yeah I like the bands like Rammstein, but I just don't do that kind of music. Oh & Brian cooked dinner! No it's not chips again. Steak & French fries. Honestly it's pretty good, even though obviously I can do better. & that's actually his breakfast.

  Promised to meet up again on Wednesday evening.

* * *

Ki's bass voice was amazing! I assume he won't sing like that normally but for backing vocals it's just perfect! He seemed to like the steak + frites too. It was probably a bit too early for dinner when we actually sat down to eat but well, he didn't comment so let it be. When I said I've got a home studio he was like, you've got a room for that? I know right, he just throws things everywhere. He tried the intro on the piano a bit + since he loved it so much, I just gave him the sheet. I've got copies anyways. If on Wednesday he comes again + plays that part better than I do I won't be surprised. + yes next rehearsal on Wednesday evening. He said he wouldn't be working then so hopefully everything goes as planned. I'm actually thinking whether we can rehearse again on Friday evening after the match. Then on Monday we'll be able to record. But okay no need to rush because I'm not hurrying to release it anyway.

He spoke of that guy called Gab in the shop + he sounded like a funny lad. He's got a lovely sister + he could paint + cook + dance + sing + all. That's very cool.

7th Nov 1995. Mon.

Cloudy.


	85. 8 November 1995

8th Nov 1995. Cloudy. Tue.

  Might have sung a bit too much yesterday because my throat hurt this morning. Gab was still not over that Shane cooked pasta & cheese raw. Is it so funny? Oh probably it is. I don't know how but it seems like everyone knows I'm doing a song with Brian. I mean, even Mrs Chevalier knows. Maybe he told G. That's very possible. Anyways tried one page of the sheet & it's not very difficult. 3 days till the match!

* * *

Heard Ki playing the piano parts of _Real To Me_ just now! So seems like he really likes it? Yeah I know he said that the lyrics could be better. I told G about the rehearsal yesterday + she was like even more excited than I am. I bet she told everyone + I just hope that Ki doesn't get annoyed about it. He doesn't like to be talked about too much. Will rehearse again tomorrow so I sort of need new recipes. Gosh this is hard.

8th Nov 1995. Tue.

Still cloudy + I guess it will last a few days.


	86. 9 November 1995

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 19th birthday to my bestie Megan!

9th Nov 1995. Cloudy. Wed.

  When I left the shop a bit earlier than usual this afternoon Liz asked me when the song would be out. I said I didn't know because it's actually Brian's song. She really wanted to listen to it! So yeah she begged me to take her & let her watch us sing & I agreed. I had known Brian would not really mind that, but I just thought bringing her without telling him was a bit weird. Anyway, Liz didn't really interrupt us so it's good. She just listened & saved what she wanna say until we finished. & Brian asked me to play the piano parts that I'd learned because he'd heard me play yesterday. Oops. Liz plays a bit of piano too, but she's best at the cello. She agreed that the lyrics were awkward too! So they ARE awkward. Basically the song is complete & we're doing a few more times on Friday & then we'll record. Kind of nervous!

* * *

So this afternoon I opened the door + Liz came in?! Ki followed her but how did she know about this? Not that I would not like her to listen. She's always a very good listener + I know she won't keep talking. But she said the lines were awkward too! Oh people can you just let it be + focus on something else?! Ki is amazing + he's surely playing the piano parts better than I do. I should consider letting him play it when recording, but piano + guitar + backing vocals maybe slightly too much. Well let's see what he says. Pity I have no cello, or we can let Liz play a bit too! She's a brilliant cellist.

G called this morning that some people from KotN II would like to meet me some day + asked me to pick a date. I don't know...I picked next Tuesday, but I'm not very sure if I'll really be free by then. It's not really up to me. But what's the guy's name again? Whatever. G said they've got some plans + schedules + would like to talk about them with me. Of course. Great that we're meeting in Dublin. I'm not going all the way to Cork for meetings again.

9th Nov 1995. Wed.

A bit of sun in early evening.


	87. 10 November 1995

10th Nov 1995. Cloudy. Thu.

  No sun...it's getting really kind of cold now. Football match tomorrow. Gab wore another very fabulous turquoise wool scarf today & I just wonder is there any colour that this guy can't handle? Andy is going to the match too; Gab made sure she was going. He said that she actually loved football, though she was not in the college football team. She plays ice hockey at school. That's even cooler! So look at these two, oh God. Just, genius.

  Learned all piano parts of _Real To Me_ & I guess Brian heard it again? Oh I just hope he isn't upset or what that I actually just took two evenings to learn them all? I know he's been practising for a long time even he didn't say it.

* * *

I'm gonna let Ki record the piano. He definitely HAS to because he played so well! He finished it this evening + it was just beautiful, like, that's what I wanted. Even though he says the lyrics are awkward I think he gets the song, he gets what I mean. Should talk about it after the match tomorrow. Haven't properly met that little guy called Joc before, but sounds like he's really a nice person. + all the people from the shop are coming so it's gonna be really fun. Shane didn't mention party so I don't know if there will be one, but I hope so. The game's in the afternoon anyway, so why not have a proper party.

10th Nov 1995. Thu.

Cloudy + looks kind of cold.


	88. 11 November 1995

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It actually snowed in Paris on 11 Feb which was yesterday and it was so cold and I just still went to Château de Malmaison in the afternoon and stayed there till around 17:30. All worth it because that place was wonderful.

11th Nov 1995. A bit of snow!! Fri.

  The match was indoor so snow didn't really matter, but it's so cold! Well, hope it snows too on Christmas though. The match...well, we lost it. But anyway it's a friendly match after all so this didn't really matter. The two teams suggested a party afterwards & we all just went along, so it was really cool. Joc's friend, the big guy called Tyler from Kansas with long black curly hair, was the goalkeeper. I know this had some impact on Shane right...but he was fine, yeah. I think he's mostly over it. At least he's not so emotional about it. Tyler was brilliant, as a goalie & as a friend. He almost just got that shot in the end! But well, if he really got it he could have been so badly injured or even hit his head on the pillar so no, it's good like this. Joc said that he's got those 'magical eyes' (his words) that changed from hazel to green every morning and changed back in the afternoon. Tyler's like, he's so energetic all the time & I really like him. He tells all those jokes making everyone laughs their ass off & he's just like, What? Did I say something? Oh this guy is precious. He's the drummer in another band that they haven't yet got a good name for but have been playing in some pubs for a while, & everytime they appear they just wrote all three members' names as the band name. That's actually cool despite it's too long. So yeah since he's in a band too we just naturally started talking about music & Tyler said he liked Metallica but he preferred U2 & the Beatles more. & he also listens a bit of Boyzone & New Kids On The Block & all that. So basically we can talk about anything around music, me, Shane, J, Joc, Brian, Gab, Andy, G & Liz. Oh & Tyler is openly gay too. I say OPENLY. Everyone knows that & he said that there were always people who wanted trouble but he didn't even give a fuck, & his parents have given up trying to talk to him about it so basically they've just accepted this. That's cool. He's just too cool for this earth.

  & obviously the rehearsals for _Real To Me_ has been cancelled because the party was just so great  & no one wanna go home. We were like about 40 people in the O'Connell café & later there were some other students joined, so there were truly a lot of people. I don't even know how we're gonna go to work tomorrow.

* * *

Damn that kick was bad! I mean, if Tyler seriously had gone catch that one he could have just died there. so eventually we lost it but nah, who cares. They really held a party afterwards so forget about the match. But oh yes, Tyler is a fabulous guy. He's an amazing goalie + he's got that long dark wavy hair + glittering clothes + all that; he's in a rock band with no serious name but I think I've seen them play before around Temple Bar. He's from Kansas + came to Dublin for middle school + then he just stayed here. + man this guy is just so funny! He made those faces like he did that everyday + when we laughed he said, 'What? Is it about me?' + everyone just laughed harder + he laughed too. Oh that's hilarious. He listens to all kinds of music so there's too much to talk about. & Joc is lovely too, that little lad. He's a bit quiet but I heard that he's actually a big troublemaker at school so much that he got kicked out? Oh my that's weird to think about. Not just because he's small + quiet but he's so nice okay?! I'd rather believe Gab fights at school. He's very cool too + so is Andy, but at least he looks like he can beat someone to the ground or stuff. No this is too far. + of course we didn't rehearse anything. I asked if tomorrow or Sunday was okay but Ki said he didn't know. He said he'd probably just show up if he had time though, so maybe that's a yes? Recording on Monday is scheduled.

G reminded me that I had the meeting with Mr Lance on Tuesday. Oh baby can you just choose another time to tell me that shit?

11th Nov 1995. Fri.

A little snow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The changing eye colour thing was something about the Vamps. James's eyes change between hazel and green everyday (is it green or blue I don't remember very well) and I just like it. Cast Ezra Miller as Tyler! Because why not he's just so cute.


	89. 12 November 1995

12th Nov 1995. Cloudy. Sat.

  Oh my yesterday was so crazy we were still not over it today. But thankfully nothing went wrong. Last evening I told Brian I could show up when I had time to rehearse but I'm afraid that can't be today. Tomorrow I'll go & I'm telling him when I get back. Wanna see Tyler again some time. That guy is just so lovely. Mark asked how the match went this noon so we just kept him in the shop & rambled everything to him & he was staring at us like, are you guys adults? He's meeting K this evening. Oh how nice.

* * *

Hmm suddenly feeling so bored. Last evening was so great that when it's over it just felt like you lost something. Ki said he was coming over tomorrow so cool. I didn't even ask him if he was gonna play the piano. He'll agree right? Of course he will. Hard to tell if I'm looking forward to starting working on KotN II or not because I sort of just mechanically do all that work + mechanically get money + go chilling. Not too bad though.

12th Nov 1995. Sat.

Cloudy? I don't even know.


	90. 13 November 1995

13th Nov 1995. Cloudy with wind. Sun.

  It's really cold today. Shane went out to meet his bandmates & do some rehearsals, & I went to Brian's place after work to rehearse our song. He asked if I'd like to record the piano. Well, actually at first I wasn't willing to because he played it initially & it was not that bad as he thought, but he sort of insisted, so I agreed in the end. He went to play the guitar and the bass. Nothing much happened, all just went well & we were mostly ready to record tomorrow. He said he'd be up earlier tomorrow & I could come over after lunch if I'd like to.

  Shane's band have got five songs to do & they're gonna open with _Feliz Navidad_! That's pretty cool.  & I remember then it's _When Will I Be Famous_ , _Do They Know It's Christmas_ , _Uptown Girl_ , & finally _Jingle Bell_ , as people will possibly expect.

* * *

Ki almost just refused to play the piano! But well, he won't. He just thought that it was always me who's playing it so it should just be me. Now I deal with the guitar and the bass. He's doing really well + we can go straight into the studio tomorrow! He didn't forget his lines or hit a wrong key or something, so it's really good. Shane's rehearsing with his bandmates for the Christmas show at school. So cool, studio tomorrow.

13th Nov 1995. Sun.

No sun for Sunday.


	91. 14 November 1995

14th Nov 1995. Some sun in the afternoon. Mon.

  I've never actually been in a serious studio & Brian's recording room was just so cool! I mean, everything looked professional & it just felt like you're really a singer doing your job. The quality was certainly good, & we finished all the recording in half a day. He insisted that I stay for dinner so yeah, I went back to tell Shane I wasn't gonna have dinner at home & then I thought, why not bring him over & have dinner together? So we ate together & sang the song to Shane. 'Who wrote the lyrics?' He asked immediately after listening. Brian said he did, & Shane went silent. I asked later when we got back & he said, 'Those aren't called lyrics, okay? Great tune but the lines are just like balderdash!'

* * *

Recording was great, + Ki especially loved the studio! He's like staring at everything like he'd never seen it. But well, he's really done a brilliant job + we didn't really practise before recording. All sounds good + I'll start producing tomorrow. Shane came over for dinner too, thank God I got enough steak. He asked if he could listen to the song so we sang it, + the first thing he asked was, 'Who wrote the lyrics?' I said I did, + he didn't say anything. I bet he's thinking they're weird, of course. Everyone says that! I begin to doubt if it's really weird. No it's not, it's just normal talking.

14th Nov 1995. Mon.

Sun came out a bit!


	92. 15 November 1995

15th Nov 1995. Sunny! Tue.

  Beautiful day to start work! It's even feeling a little warm at noon. Ordered a pizza & sort of had a picnic in the backyard. It's Mark this time, & he looked really good. We asked about K & he said he's great too & thanked us for asking. We closed a bit earlier today & Gab, Liz, G & I went to Stephen's Green for a walk before going home. Leaves have all fallen but there's sunset to watch so it's really cool. Brian's been producing the song & I think we'll get to release it this week. Liz said she's gonna see if she could contact someone to sell the track as a single.

* * *

Producing is so much more fun than programming. + can't stop listening to the raw sound! Just so beautiful. The meeting with Mr Lance went well + he's a pretty nice person, so it's not too bad. Basically some plans + schedules about my future work, nothing new. When I was working on KotN it was mostly the same thing. G called to say that Liz is searching for ways to sell it as a single. They're really supportive + really cool. + it's sunny today! I don't really care about weather since I stay in all day but when you wake up + open the window to see sunshine, it feels different! Ki came home quite late this evening. Eww that sounds like I'm spying on him.

15th Nov 1995. Tue.

Lovely weather!


	93. 16 November 1995

16th Nov 1995. Rained in the morning, sunny for the rest of the day. Wed.

  Well, two months since I moved here! Time really flies. Been some time since last met Mrs Onion & she dropped by this evening to celebrate my second month here! She brought a small cake for us & we had dinner together. She's going back to the UK this weekend & we actually wanted to see her off, but her train leaves at 10:30 in the morning, so only Shane can go. Brian may be going too, but I can't. So well, this may be the last time we see each other this year. Nice trip Mrs Onion!

  It was really cold this morning but then it became really nice. So it's like, all the costumers who came in the morning complained to us about the bad weather & all who arrived later were really delighted & said it was a lovely day. That's really funny.

* * *

Beautiful sun in the afternoon! This is pretty rare in November though. First half of the song done, but I need a day off to let my ears relax. Producing is really tiring. Thank God neither of us is out of tune. Shane called later in the evening + said that Mrs A c would be leaving for York to see her grandchildren on Sunday + asked if I'd like to see her off with him. Ki cannot go because he's gotta work. It's 10:30 in the morning + a bit too early, but I said I'd try. Anyway she's been a really nice neighbour all the time + it's just this once that she bought ticket for a train in the morning.

16th Nov 1995. Wed.

Lovely sunny day!


	94. 17 November 1995

17th Nov 1995. Cloudy. Thu.

  Hmm cloudy weather is back. Nothing much actually happened today; seems like everything's just back to normal & kind of boring when you think about it. Since it's getting dark earlier & earlier Shane's not rehearsing for so long every evening but then they've got to meet up at weekends too. Suddenly thinking about Pat; don't know how he's doing now. Pray that he's fine.

* * *

Producing almost done! I'm gonna play it to Ki tomorrow to see if it's good to release. Liz is still talking with some guy who probably is interested in selling the track. She said he's pretty nice, it's just about the price that they're negotiating. Okay then, I actually don't quite care. When you release a track, you actually want people to listen to it + enjoy it more than you to earn money, right? Yeah maybe for some people it's not the case, but for me I care more about people actually listening to my songs.

17th Nov 1995. Thu.

Heaven know what the weather's like.


	95. 18 November 1995

18th Nov 1995. Sunny. Fri.

  Sunny doesn't necessarily mean warm...Shane asked this morning if I could go watch their rehearsals & give them some advice, so I went with Gab this evening. They're actually doing really well & I don't understand why he wanted ME to give advice. They had dance routines too! They found another guy to do the choreography though. & Shane literally introduced me to his bandmates as his old friend & SINGER-SONGWRITER! God for most of the time I'm just a jeans shop clerk okay?! But thankfully they didn't ask me to sing anything. They really liked Gab too & Shane was actually really glad that I also brought him. On the way back Gab said Andy's holding an exhibition in December & asked if Shane & I would like to go take a look. It's her own exhibition! That's really cool I'm definitely going. The exhibition is just in her studio & will last a whole month. He said we could visit for free. That's even nicer! Haven't agreed on a specific date yet but I think J will be interested too?

* * *

Ki wasn't home when I went to find him. Well, maybe tomorrow then. He came back with Shane. Got a mail from Mr Lance about the specific schedule of the work I'm gonna do. Half of the month has passed so it will be pretty soon that I'll have something new to do. Not necessarily fun but at least it's new. Played the song a few times to myself & edited some details. It's gonna be good.

18th Nov 1995. Fri.

Sun for Friday!


	96. 19 November 1995

19th Nov 1995. Sunny but windy. Sat.

  Mrs Onion is leaving tomorrow & Shane & Brian are going to see her off. Safe journey home!

  Brian stopped me this afternoon when I was about to go home & said that he's got the song done & asked if I'd like to listen. I was actually just going back to put down my bag & J was waiting for me across the road, so I told him J's waiting for me so I would be leaving again soon. He brushed it off & said whenever I had time I could drop by to see if it's ready to release. J passed by at noon & said he's free this evening so maybe we could have dinner together. Of course I said yes; I didn't know Brian would finish producing so fast! J mentioned one thing that I don't yet know how to deal with. Joc has been staying at his late for a few days & he actually wanted to stay the nights, but J told him that he should go home or Mrs Chevalier would be worried. Thankful that he did, but J said he felt like Joc was taking him as more than a friend. He said that of course he was glad that the boy liked him this much, but he was concerned at the same time because, first, Joc was too young & he probably didn't even know what the feelings he had were; second, he didn't know what Mrs Chevalier would say. So that's part of the reason why he wanted to talk to me. He asked if I could tell her about this, just give her the facts, because it would sound more objective when told by a third person. He said that he didn't know what Joc has taken last evening, but he must have taken something, & he almost kissed him. This can't be right for someone like him, of course not. I'm not saying that a guy loving a guy is wrong, I'm saying that Joc being so initiative is not quite like him. But the problem is how should I begin? I'll try if Mrs Chevalier would like to hear this story tomorrow.

  Anyways, if Brian is asking me whether the song is ready for releasing it means Liz has found someone who wanna sell it? Cool.

* * *

Ki's meeting J this evening so he still couldn't listen to the track. Liz said the guy would like to put the track on sale + he's just waiting for us to confirm that we're releasing it. I told Ki he could come over + listen when he's got time. So now I'm sort of sitting in doing nothing. I'm not checking the track for more times because too many editing will ruin it. Going to see Mrs A c off with Shane tomorrow.

19th Nov 1995. Sat.

Very windy.


	97. 20 November 1995

20th Nov 1995. Cloudy. Sun.

  Not a very nice weather for travelling but...all the best, Mrs Onion! Shane said the train was some ten minutes late, but in the afternoon she called to say she's arrived on time.

  &...yeah, the big thing. Mrs Chevalier did listen to what I said about Joc, & she sort of...accepted this? She said that as long as J was not letting him do whatever he wanted, she would not mention this to Joc because she knew it wouldn't end well if she really talked about it. She doesn't know J very well & she hasn't even seen him many times, but I'm afraid she fears more that her son will not like this topic. Well, I don't know how J's gonna do with this then. Mrs Chevalier isn't stopping Joc, so? Or is it that when I told the story it sounded not as serious a problem as it is?

  Anyway, Brian finally played the song to me today & it's amazing! He's really a great producer. It's ready to release, & I'm telling Liz tomorrow. He said that he's not sure if they'd want a photoshoot too, because generally of course a single is released with photos. That will be quite interesting if they really need them.

* * *

Ki came this evening + we listened to the final edit of the song together, + he loved it! He said he's telling Liz tomorrow. I then suddenly remembered that we didn't have a cover photo so maybe they'd ask us to do photoshoots. Oh my it's been ages since I've seriously had photos of me taken! But he looked kind of excited about it? He's already eaten so I couldn't keep him for breakfast/dinner. But releasing a single! Wohoo!

Got up quite early to see Mrs A c off with Shane so I'm going to sleep now. The train was a bit late but somehow it arrived on time! That's a bit scary to think about. I mean, the first thing I came up with was that the train exceeded the speed limit on the way.

20th Nov 1995. Sun.

Really cold + no sun.


	98. 21 November 1995

21st Nov 1995. Cloudy. Mon.

  Monday came before I remember to plan it so...what have I done? Just chilling & making some music & gave J a call to tell him about Mrs Chevalier's reaction. To my surprise he didn't sound very worried or uncertain about what to do, so I guess it's good? I know he likes Joc right, of course he does. It's probably not that deep a kind of affection but he likes that kid & it's showing all the time. Also called Liz to say the song was ready to be released & she said she'd ask if we'd need a photoshoot, & that if we needed photos they'd take them. Very cool.

* * *

Gave Liz a ring this afternoon + she said Ki's already told her about the song + she's asking about the photoshoot. So seriously are we gonna do that too? Not that I don't like the idea though. Woke up to the noises from Ki's house + that's...okay, I'm not gonna deny that it felt terrible because it makes you wanna hide your head in the pillow + fall asleep again. But then it's still nice to hear him making music again. It's been some time, yeah? 10 days till I start working on KotN. Don't know if I should be excited.

21st Nov 1995. Mon.

I think it's cloudy again...?


	99. 22 November 1995

22nd Nov 1995. Snow. Tue.

  Seriously miracle that I wasn't late. It's been cloudy for two days, yes, but who expected it to snow last night?! Opened the door this morning & found that the snow has reached the top step & it's not stopping. Almost all traffic blocked & people were walking to work or staying at home, & I certainly wanna stay home too but I can't because we're still gonna open even the weather is bad. Not tsunami, so not closing. I bet G's staying home today, but Liz still came. Mrs Chevalier was half an hour late but nah, no one cared. Arriving at work was already very nice because heaven knows how many other people just refused to go out. Interesting that some people came into our shop to keep warm & stay away from the snow for a while. We didn't urge them to buy things, but most of them ended up buying a few clothes.

  Liz said the photoshoot would be tomorrow if the weather was nicer. She hasn't told Brian yet so I'm telling him this evening.

* * *

Photoshoot tomorrow! Well, if the weather gets better. Hope it does. Thank God it's just snowing in Dublin but not in York because I remember Mrs A c said the kids really loved hanging out with her. Yeah the snow looks terrible today but both Ki + Shane still went out + made it back. Even G stayed in! But okay I guess shops aren't really supposed to close just because of the bad weather. Besides this ain't that kind of 'bad' weather. It's just snow. Heavy one though.

22nb Nov 1995. Tue.

Snow!


	100. 23 November 1995

23rd Nov 1995. Snow but no that heavy. Wed.

  Well...forgot my keys at home to I had to stay at Brian's until Shane came back. Thankfully he's not rehearsing so late now plus there's snow, so I didn't have to wait like hours. No I'm not saying that I don't like staying with Brian. It's just I had nothing much to do there, & I couldn't just talk to him because he's got work. Yeah, he works at night. Photoshoot tomorrow afternoon; weather report says the snow will stop tomorrow morning. Brian was sort of excited about it & asked me if I've got any ideas for the photos. Apparently I didn't. & thank God he didn't comment a lot about me forgetting my keys at home.

* * *

Basically Ki left his keys at home so he had to stay over at my place + wait for Shane. Last time I left my keys at home I remember I was 16. But well it's really nice to have him around, even though it was mostly because he had to. I asked him if he had any ideas for tomorrow's photoshoot but he said he didn't have any. He hadn't done much of that before either; the one he did at school doesn't really count because it wasn't really serious. It kind of surprised me that he didn't talk much this evening. Maybe he thought I had work. He hadn't had dinner + he said he'd go to the kitchen + cook something himself. + then I ended up getting half of the mashed potatoes too. God he's a brilliant cook! Photoshoot tomorrow afternoon so he's coming over again after work so we can go to the studio together.

23rd Nov 1995. Wed.

Snow.


	101. 24 November 1995

24 Nov 1995. Sunny. Thu.

  Liz & I left work a bit earlier to meet up with Brian this afternoon & went to the studio. It wasn't far from the shop. It was just like all those studios that you see on the telly, white walls & artificial lights everywhere, wires all over the floor, people walking around, all that. It seriously felt like a star or something! The photographer, Dan Orwell, was a guy in his 30s & was really funny. Sometimes he reminded me of Tyler. Of course Tyler's much younger than him, but they've got something so in common. They dressed me in a simple white shirt & ripped jeans, & Brian in some baggy things that I actually thought was quite weird. I bet he chose them himself. We did only one set because it was just a single, & that was 4 photos: two with both of us & one of us each. It wasn't bad, just it's really strange discussing about your own pictures with the photographer that took them. But over all it's really cool. Despite Brian has been talking way too much so Liz & I basically just ignored him.

* * *

Gawwwd who got the idea of dressing Ki in that white shirt? It's just genius. + they let me pick my outfit so I just went for my usual loose clothes. Liz said that was ugly but nah, I liked it. + Ki didn't comment either. Dan Orwell, the photographer, was really cool! He's like just let you do whatever you want in front of the camera + he'd decide when he would snap a shot, + he always got the best of everything. But okay...I was probably a bit over-excited because in the end they weren't listening to me at all. Liz told me to shut up but I saw Ki was not very happy about her talking like that. Yeah probably I was talking a bit too much though. But Dan didn't say anything + he talked a lot too. + he's got that pink suit with paints on which I really loved.

Snow stopped today but it wasn't nice at all! It was so damn cold! Maybe it's because I've stayed indoor too much though. But where can I go?

24th Nov 1995. Thu.

Freezing.


	102. 25 November 1995

25 Nov 1995. Cloudy. Fri.

  One month to Christmas! Saw the final editions of the photos this afternoon & they're amazing! Like, you really doubt whether that is yourself because you didn't think you would look that good. So Liz are taking the photos with her to release the final single. Hopefully we'll be seeing our own CDs on the shelves next month! God this is crazy.

* * *

The photos were just gorgeous! But I had to get up early again which was terrible. Liz would be dealing with the procedures of releasing + all so there's nothing much left for me + Ki to do. It's one month to Christmas so maybe I should begin thinking about how I'm spending it this year? Ki will be going home, obviously. Hmm...suddenly wanna do something crazy. I mean I've been thinking about this before, when I was sending those messages. But it's been a long time + then now it comes to me again. Does it mean that I should really do it? God it's really crazy. I need one night + a good day's sleep to get ready.

25th Nov 1995. Fri.

Oh + I decide not to tell Shane. He knows too much.


	103. 26 November 1995

26th Nov 1995. Cloudy. Sat.

  I don't know how but J has learnt that we're releasing a single & he especially invited me to his for dinner to talk about it. No it's not serious, he just wanted to know the details. & I was not surprised to see Joc there. He's a bit more open than when we first met, which is a good thing. Didn't know he plays guitar & ukulele. Honestly speaking, I'm quite happy that they're both enjoying this relationship. Mrs Chevalier doesn't say anything, so probably it can be taken as a yes. J said he'd be the first to get a copy once the single was out. He even said that he's gonna buy a copy for everyone in his family. Oh God.

* * *

Ki was out again tonight + not with Shane. He didn't come back until Shane had long returned. I'm beginning a new project today...I'm not very sure if these little letters will frighten him but well, let's see. If his reaction gets too savage I'm stopping tomorrow. I didn't sign my name anyway. But oh God will he recognise my handwriting? Oops. That's gonna be...I don't know, hope he doesn't come + ask me about the next morning.

26 Nov 1995. Sat.

Cloudy but lovely moonlight.


	104. 27 November 1995

27th Nov 1995. Rain & wind. Sun.

  WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT LAST NIGHT?! It was around midnight I think, & I heard steps coming up to my door. I got up & went to check, & suddenly there came in an envelope from the gap between the door & the floor! & I opened the door & there was no one! Shane didn't hear that though, thank goodness. &...I decided to open the envelope. & there was a letter, a love letter, which I don't know was to whom or by whom. There's no name on it. The handwriting looked like a guy's so it's probably for a girl. I don't know, & I'm feeling sorry for the guy who sent this because it ain't gonna reach the person he's writing to - well, it could be a she though. I'm keeping it since there's no address either. I guess someone just got mistaken & thought my address was the one they were looking for. But it's still kind of scary, this whole thing. I haven't even seen the person who sent me this. I didn't tell anyone about it, of course not.

* * *

Why he's acting like nothing happened?! Did I even got the right door? Oh God. I mean, even if he didn't hear it last night - well he did I'm sure about that because I heard him open the door right after I got to the other side of the house. I'm trying again tonight. I guess he ended up not recognising my handwriting because I wrote more carefully than I did with the lyrics. I should not go + ask right. That could be really awkward + you never know what answer you can get. But oh my I don't really remember what I wrote in the last letter! It's like you took an exam + you don't remember afterwards what you wrote in your essay. I'm not getting too obvious am I.

27th Nov 1995. Sun.

Storm!


	105. 28 November 1995

28th Nov 1995. Rain. Mon.

  Stayed in & wrote some tunes. Made some fig cupcakes because why not. Not too weird although Shane said they looked terrible. But he ended up eating up ten so I doubt whether he meant it.

  But what the hell was that letter I got again this morning? I swear it was the same person because the handwriting was the same. & with no name, no address. Poor guy must believes that this is the right house but sadly it's not. I should put a label on the door with my name. He sends these letters at midnight so I can't stay up & wait. & anyway, if you come to the house of your crush & wanna send a secret love letter & then another guy suddenly opens the door, this can be so terrifying! What if the poor guy has heart problems.

* * *

Didn't make so much noise this time so I guess he's not getting up to catch me again. But what's going on with it? He acts like the letters don't exist. I should meet him tomorrow afternoon because anyway Liz called to say a copy of the single has been sent to me via mail. I don't know if he got one too - well, I mean of course they're sending him one but he probably won't get Liz's call because he just doesn't belong to this world any more on Mondays.

Mr Lance sent me a reminder in the morning that the list of my tasks on KotN would be sent to me on Wednesday + we would begin working on Thursday.

28th Nov 1995. Mon.

Storm with less wind.


	106. 29 November 1995

29th Nov 1995. Cloudy. Tue.

  Not a good weather to begin work but at least the rain has stopped. & at least we're not working on Mondays while most people are. Plus school starts from Monday too. Poor Shane. But damn it's so cold! I suddenly think of Gab's colourful scarves.

  Another letter found this morning...it was dry though, which means the person especially carried a bag for it!? But well of course, if this is really for his true love or something. Every time I open the letter I feel so bad! I'm like reading something I shouldn't have read. Put a label with 'EGAN' on the door so I think he's not gonna send anything in again? Unless his crush's family name is Egan too. But it's so stupid to put a full name on the door isn't it. Shall I add a 'FILAN' label beside it though? Shane didn't comment on that. I'm sure he saw it because he stopped a second at the doorstep but he didn't say anything. Guess he's fine with that. I mean if I put both our names there it will look like we seriously share this house, like it belongs to both of us. Man it's still MY house right.

* * *

What the fucking hell is wrong with him?! He's got that stupid EGAN label on the door + I don't understand at all why he needs that. Well maybe he's just been watching some old films or stuff where everyone's got a name label on the door, heaven knows. Why doesn't he put Shane there too? But what confuses me the most is that he's not saying a word about getting the letters! Yeah we don't really meet that often but at least he should already begin to understand that these letters are seriously addressed to HIM? Oh God. I'm not gonna write names on it no way. But okay...he hasn't said anything about the messages either so I guess that's just what he does.

Will be getting task list tomorrow + start working! Not that I'm so excited. Oh I forgot to check my mailbox. Anyways I'll check it tomorrow.

29th Nov 1995. Tue.

Night is dark.


	107. 30 November 1995

30th Nov 1995. Heavy rain/snow & wind! Wed.

  Really wanted to skip work this morning! This weather is crazy I couldn't even hold an umbrella. November's leaving which means Christmas is so close! Brilliant.

  But just what the fucking hell with the letter this moring?! Didn't the person see my name on the door? Or his true love is also a Egan? Oh no. I'm not gonna put my full name on the door; that's gonna be really stupid. I bet people're finding this label stupid already. Brian probably hasn't seen it, so it's still cool. Seriously I should figure out a way to let that guy stop sending those letter to ME. I'm feeling so bad about receiving others' love letters! But how can I tell him he's got the wrong address? Meeting him face to face would be super awkward, like, you're telling him 'Man I've been reading all your love letters & I figured that they don't belong to me.' Oh God.

* * *

Shit task list. It's almost completely the same as KotN I + I just don't know why they even need II. At least I'm coding almost exactly the same stuff. Guess the gowns will be a bit better. + I'm beginning to doubt whether Ki seriously think about the letters. I mean, what if he really thinks it's just sent to a wrong address? So he put a bloody name label on the door? God I don't even know I should say that's cute or stupid. I'm even hoping a little bit to get caught at midnight! No I don't.

30th Nov 1995. Wed.

Windy!


	108. 1 December 1995

1st Dec 1995. Cold but sunny. Thu.

  Hello December! Christmas is closer now, & lights are on above O'Connor Street! Gab said that Grafton Street was lighted up too. Weather is a lot better today. Gab actually asked me to go to Grafton Street with him, but I had promised Shane to watch their first dress rehearsal, so maybe tomorrow. Oh shite why didn't I ask him to come to the rehearsal?! He would have loved it! Shane introduced to me his three bandmates, Derrick, Graham & Michael, & they were really cool guys. Graham was a great rapper! They didn't have any rap for the gig but he showed me a little & that was fantastic. They're gonna do five songs (have I said this before?), & the order is _Feliz Navidad_ , _Uptown Girl_ , _When Will I Be Famous_ , _Do They Know It's Christmas_ & _Jingle Bell_. To be honest they were terrible dancers! Well, Shane was a little better than the rest. The choreography was a bit awkward though.

  & no letter today?! God damn it what happened! This is so scary. Well probably they finally realised that I wasn't the right person. Hope they're together in the end!

* * *

There's one bug + I don't know where. Ugh I hate this. Why do they have to make this sex scene? Now I'm supposed to make the movements 'smooth + natural'. Fine. I think I should let G do this. She knows a lot more than I do!

No letters for today. Just want to see his reaction! He came back quite late + I saw him looking for the letter but couldn't find it. If I start again tomorrow maybe he'll read? Don't know.

1 Dec 1995. Thu.

It's December already!


	109. 2 December 1995

2nd Dec 1995. Sunny. Fri.

  Went to Grafton Street with Gab after work, finally. He really loves there. I thought he'd take me to a pub or something but we just walked. Long chains of light bulbs were hung up across the street, and the pubs were all pretty crowded. He asked about Shane's rehearsal yesterday & I could see he really wished to have been there! He loved _Feliz Navidad_ a lot. Second dress rehearsal will be next Monday  & I'll take him with me.

  Got the letter again! Fine I don't even know what's happening now. I mean...I'm feeling worse & worse opening these letters. But if I don't open them I'll feel very insecure, like, what if it's really for me? & then...I found a thing today. A BIG THING. The handwriting. I mean, yeah I can be totally joking because no this is IMPOSSIBLE it can be all my imagination, but the handwriting looks almost the same as Brian's? No they can't be from him they CAN'T. Just the handwriting. I remember his handwriting from the sheet music of _Real To Me_ he gave me. The messy letters, wide spaces  & the habit of writing '+' for '&'. It's exactly the same but at the same time it can't be the same! For fuck sake.

* * *

I...sent that letter again. Saw him open the letter this evening + pace around the room. So maybe...he's found out? I'm suddenly getting nervous! Like, I hope he understands + I hope he doesn't at the same time. What will he think? Damn it why did I start it?

Thankfully I figured out where the bug was + G is making the sex scene. She can take her time + I can do my job. How lucky I am to have a secretary like this!

2 Dec 1995. Fri.

Nice sunny day.


	110. 3 December 1995

3rd Dec 1995. Cloudy again. Sat.

  Mrs Chevalier was very happy today & she made coffee & brownie for everyone. Including Joc! The boy came here during lunch break. I didn't ask him about J but I suppose they're still close? Hope so. Been a while since we didn't see Mark & Kevin, or Lilien. Well...Lilien is probably home for the holiday.

  Compared the handwriting on the letters & Brian's on the sheet music...I don't really want to believe it but they're almost exactly the same! Despite that the letters were written slowly & carefully while that on the sheet is a complete mess. The strokes are very very similar. Should I tell him? This is getting weird. But if I do, it can be quite awkward because...What if this doesn't have anything to do with him? They're love letters after all! Probably I should ask Liz first. She's an expert.

* * *

It's Saturday! I should really enjoy weekends instead of working. Look at G! She never works a lot at weekends. She's taken over all sex scenes so it's much easier on my side. I feel like she likes them? When this stage is done, I'll record some new stuff, + go travelling with G + Liz. I'm gonna try to convince Ki to go so it'll look like a double date...Maybe? This silly boy hasn't yet found out that I sent the letters I guess. Then what the fuck could it be? He doesn't really think that it's the wrong address does he? Damn! I already wanna go + tell him.

3 Dec 1995. Sat.

It's gonna rain I hope?


End file.
